it's coming.

we'll be married in 3 weeks and 2 days.
can't wait for that day.

thoughts of the air

i am currently flying over wyoming. destination: calgary, alberta. my flight was over 3 hours delayed this evening, backing my 914pm arrival time to after 12:15am. needless to say, i'm slightly tired of airports/airplanes for today. all i want right now is to see josh, hug him, kiss him, go home and sleep. providing my plane makes its way safely to the ground, that'll happen soon. i'm looking forward to it.

quiet moments like this are the best moments for my heart and mind to just GO. to think to wander to dream to desire to long to admit to confess. the sentiment of life seems to catch up to me in these moments. i love that there is nothing in front of me to concentrate on. there is no human, no errand, no distraction. i am alone in my thoughts in this late night flight.

in so many ways, i wish much of life were like these. distraction free and careless. having my mind wander is almost healthy, it brings me back to a place of reasonable sanity and contentment.

lately i have had a full body realization of how little my biggest priority is. all in one, it's saddening and encouraging. saddening that i've let things slip but encouraging, knowing that it's not over and done with...there is room to grow and once again, get back to a place where priorities line up.

there is so much for a person to admit to the outside world. there are so many hidden things that we keep to ourselves, in fear of judgement and guilt. however there is such an awakening inside when things like this can come out. in the moments when you're surrounded by community and vulnerability gets the best of you all, there's always a weight lifted off your shoulders.

last night on the phone with josh, we had a good discussion about where we've come from, where we are now and where we want to be. discussing things that have weighed SO heavy on my heart in the past weeks and months were lifted and it's almost like now [in a weird way] i'm allowing myself, giving myself 'permission' to move on from the place i am at and into the place i want to be.

dedication and discipline kicks my ass sometimes. i fail miserably at the things i'd most like to succeed at. oh how backwards things can seem when your sight is blurry.

in six and a half weeks, i'll be a wife. [it'll probably kick my ass at times too]. the next six and a half weeks is such a great opportunity for me to continue to allow myself to be shaped into a woman with a softer spirit, a kinder heart, a stronger servant and a more passionate Believer.

i would love for the Lord to grant us [josh and i] a wider view of the things he longs to do in our lives. i hope my perspective remains solid though, acknowledging that while God knows, he's not obligated to reveal immediately. josh and i are being led down a path with a lot of unknown factors. though we would love to know what'll happen and how we'll get there, we're doing our best to embrace the journey. because as we all know, it's the journey that makes us strong and helps us learn and grow.

there is a song that i first heard a few years ago. it was on a friends [ashley ekers!] xanga site and i was instantly drawn to it. googled the lyrics and found a free download. it's one of those songs that comes and goes with different seasons. the core message of the song is quite clear...God is for us, not against us. how easy it is for us to forget this TRUTH.

whatever i face in life, it's such a sweet and gentle piece of truth to know that Jesus is for me. Jesus is for josh. Jesus is for josh and i together. if i truly believe in the Jesus of the Bible, then i must believe all things are under his watch and rule and dominion, my life no exception. there is something in that, that causes great fear but also great freedom.

right now i'm just trying to train my heart to remind my head that i'm being looked after.

i now have a canadian customs card to fill out.
this means i'm one mile closer to josh.
i'll [obviously] post later.

grace.


ps - this is home in less than 2 months.

success in a new way!

a couple of weekends ago, my sister and i went garage sale-ing[?] for fun. the only thing we came away with was a red kitchen aid silicon loaf pan for $.75. not bad a bad price considering retail value is $15. i hadn't got the chance to use it until tonight. i can now say that i have successfully made homemade bread in the pan. and i'm so excited about it!!

a good chunk of yesterday was spent compiling recipes for a homemade recipe book. i really enjoyed myself! there are SO many different recipes out there and i cannot wait to get started making them. i kept getting so excited whenever i'd see a good recipe because i knew i'd be making it for my husband in our own little apartment in calgary in just over a month and a half. it's no suprise that most men appreciate really good food. i hope i don't fail josh in that area. ha (:

i'm so sure that many women who read this will think 'oh cute naive engaged girl...thinking that cooking for her husband and family will always be great' i'm not unaware that the glory of it all will eventually fade into a routine but i'm pretty okay with that. i'm pretty okay with a routine that allows me serve my husband and children in such a creative way [cooking].

anyone out there have any good [HEALTHY] recipes? i should admit that i'm SUCH a sucker for weight watcher recipes. so many weight watcher recipes that i've made/ate are so good and so healthy. it's such a good way to eat good without sacrificing flavor. mmm mmm. watch out....without a job in canada maybe i'll become a cooking/baking freak and start a FOOD BLOG. ohhh man. that'd be awesome. i'll keep you updated.

i'm currently packing for my next trip to calgary. i fly there on tuesday afternoon. i can't wait. such a sense of security when i'm around this man:




we have a whole list of things to get done while i'm there. some fun, some official business like stuff related to immigration. hopefully getting a good chunk of stuff done and out of the way. i'll be going with all the groomsmen to get measured for a tux. so much fun. oh! also, furniture shopping! i'm really looking forward to that. so weird i'll be living in CANADA. life never ceases to take me on a ride. thankfully, starting august 7, i won't be riding alone...i'll have the most handsome and capable man next to me.

[ps - josh got SO excited when he found out that there was a theme park on our honeymoon route. it was cute. i'm excited to go with him...fun will be had with my HUSBAND]

our wedding day is now is 47 days away [thank you theknot.com]
my dress is getting altered...pick it up on july 7.
fingers crossed everything turns out well (:

currently listening to: leona naess

until next time world.

not a lot of thought.

funny:

the "t" block in my gym's name is taped onto the wall.




we got our engagement pictures in the mail today. our wonderful photographer edited 30 pictures for us and for the most part, i love them. if i don't like the picture, it's definitely not because of the shot or because of josh. it's of course because i think i look funny. oh well. such is life!


i mailed off my first forms for immigration. i was nervous. i'm hoping [PRAYING] everything was right and that it gets processed smoothly, not to mention quickly.

i've gone since my birth date without being fingerprinted and within the past 2 weeks i've been fingerprinted not one, not two, not three but four times. canadian immigration, you will be one of the most stressful and fruitful things i've ever done. bring it onnnnn.

took maggie [my dog] to petco the other day. [petco: it's where the pets go] we got her nail trims there because it's close to impossible to do it ourselves. it takes three people here at home, not joking. her nails were so long she couldn't keep her feet beneath her. she kept sliding and slipping. it was a little sad, mostly funny. also, she's the most anti-social dog ever. she could care less if there are other dogs around.

venting thought:
why do people get you wedding gifts that you don't register for?
does that even make sense?
isn't that the POINT of a registry?

my hours are getting cut at work.
it's irritating. i need 10 hours. help!



more to come.



a few engagement pictures:
[our wedding pictures will be great]

i have returned.

so people keep talking about how they want me to blog more.
but the thing is, no one really reads it. [at least to my knowledge]

right now, as i see it, i'm writing down my thoughts just so i can re-read them in a few months. that's pretty much how the blogging world works if no one 'follows' or reads.

regardless of whether or not this will be read or if it turns out to be for my own enjoyment down the road, i'll try and explain life these days.


i am, in fact still engaged to this hunk of a man:
























[i showed this picture to my grandma this afternoon. she said 'he's a handsome man' and i said 'why yes, he is!' and then she pointed to me and said 'but you, i like that smile']


the wedding is now less than two months out.
and no, i'm not stressed with wedding planning.
[but yes, i am stressed about immigration.]

i have a dress [but it can't be revealed]
all the girls have dresses [but each has a different dress so it's too many pictures]
all the guys have tuxes [but i simply lack any pictures]
flowers have been ordered
decorations have been decided [but we don't set up/tear down...score!]

this day that will mark one of the most important events of my life is turning out to be a classier event than i ever thought it would be. thankfully, that is happening at no huge price tag. [in wedding terms that is] i cannot wait for that day to come.

my heart soars to think about not only being 'a bride' but joshs bride.



i am committed, without any hesitation, to living out my days with joshua brian. i look forward to standing before josh in front of our friends and family on that august day and vowing my love and respect and honor to this man [who has truly exceeded any expection i had of what my husband would be].

looking to josh to complete me or to make me whole is not what i'm after. no human on this planet can fill every void or whole but i do look forward to josh being next to me. encouraging me, supporting me, loving me, praying for me.

my grandma is now in a nursing home. [that's an entirely different blog though] the first time i went and visited her there, i was slightly overwhelmed by many things. as i walked out of there, i had so many thoughts running through my head and the only thing i could seem to do is send josh a text message saying 'i just left the nursing home...i want to grow old with you. i love you so much'. and his response, which i love, was 'i love you too, so much. we can grow old and crazy together.'

i have experienced that there's a certain security in giving your love away to a trusting person.
when josh and i are near to one another [one week a month] i feel safer. more secure. more confident.
more of who i was created to be...his wife, his companion.
again, he doesn't make me whole or complete but he sure does add something to the mix...
( :

it's not about us.

friends of the blog world...
it's been a long time.

since we've last talked, i got engaged.



i'm getting married in august.
moving to canada in august.
probably learning what real selfishness looks like in august.










josh and i are really seeking out which road Jesus is going to lead us down.
there are so many options, leading to so many different places.
we're asking that by his love, grace and humility.
we want to live in ways that glorify his name and not our own.

so many things. so many things. so many things.
being in love with Josh has awakened me to the FACT that on my own, i am not capable of loving a person. over and over, day in and day out, i'm being taught a lesson of grace, humility, sacrifice, joy and victory.

"you make all things work together for our good."
even when things don't seem to make sense [living 1500 miles apart from the man you're engaged to], i hope we gain a better sense of how ALL things really do work together for GOOD. he has new mercy for us every day.

at the end of the day, this whole being in love thing isn't about us.
it's about our sweet jesus, it's about others.

we'd don't want to be alone on this journey.
join us, won't you?

hopefully it won't be another 2 months before i post.

it was good.

i am in the chicago airport.

getting ready to board a plane back to kansas.

this past week in calgary, a lot happened in my heart.

a lot of reassurance of the good things God has in store.

a lot of challenging questions were brought up that need to be examined.

a whole lot of love was exchanged between josh and i.

never before did i think i could experience such a blessing.

but let me tell you...

having the sweet Lord put someone in your life that LOVES you

and having Him put love in your heart for someone else...

is one of the greatest things in the world.

josh and i have a long path ahead of us.

we already see the twists and turns up ahead

but we're thankful we're walking together.

Jesus teaches us so much in and through love.

more to come soon.

blessings friends.

the days are gifts.

the time is near.

i leave in less than 48 hours for calgary, alberta.

to see that guy. isn't he just so cute?!

[he's also so wonderful to me]

my parents gave me tulips for valentines day.

there's a hot postponed valentines date in store for josh&i next week.

this has NEVER ever been a problem for me but...

i'm having a hard time cutting back on what shoes i pack for calgary.

here's a riddle for you all in the blog world...

what's kelly green, burnt orange and ivory?

[answer to come soon]

until then, be fruitful and increase in number and fill the world.

uh...wait. no that's not what i meant. hah.

coming soon..

this boy has turned me into the emotional sap that i swore i'd never be.

i see him in one week.

can't go back.

it's a new season friends.

there is a good amount of happy.

there is a good amount of shitty.

i'm ok with it all right now.

can't seem to catch a break when it comes to learning things.

whatever. it's probably best that way.

helped two little girls make necklaces tonight from suubi beads.

it was fun to be with them but it wasn't the same as sitting in one of those ladies homes and eating matoke with them and insisting they didn't buy me a pop.

it will never be the same.

i will never be the same.

i miss sneaking up behind betty and scaring her and then getting into tickle fights with her. they usually backfired on me when josh and her would team up to get me.

yeah. i'll never be the same...

where do we go?

i just hung up the phone with my joshua.

as i closed my phone, i heard the delightful screams of kymbi

i found myself crying and i thought to myself...

what the hell is going on???

why am i not in uganda with that beautiful child and his mother???

this has been one of the hardest days since being back.

i am praying that the Lord doesn't leave my side

because i am uncontrollable without Him.

where do we go when we don't even know where we're at?

"here in my darkest hour, you remind me of how faithful you are."

i'll write more later.

a new day.

so here we are on one the most historical days ever in regards to politics and racial equality our nation has ever seen.

as i was doing my thang on the elliptical machine at my 'fitness club' today, FOX News [sick blech] was on one of the tv's. though it's not my news channel of choice, i had no other election based option and really, i guess it was ok because at this point, it was only the parade being shown. anyways. i started thinking about this whole day and what it means for our country and what it COULD look like for our country and the thoughts just kept coming.

i was thinking about how it's slightly funny that so many americans support and trust the new president [not just obama, any president]. i just feel like it's so out of the ordinary for so MANY americans to place so much hope in one man when it's not guaranteed that he will succeed in what is expected of him. i am not saying that we should not get behind a candidate and support them, it just struck me for a minute how that's not usually how the american people work. we usually like to have things lined up and figured out and set in stone before we really commit to them. put i suppose that's the world of politics? nothing is ever set in stone.

all of that said...i am, like many americans, support obama. he was the one that caused me to shout and jump up and down in uganda when i heard the news he was elected president on november 4. he was the one i voted for, he was the one i trust and hope to do the best job for our country. knowing he has so much ahead of him [SO MUCH], it's my hope that the america people will stick with him and do their best to treat him as a respected leader. knowing he won't do everything we want or he'll make choices we don't all necessarily agree with, i hope we're able to maintain an ample amount of respect and honor. we're so quick to get on the presidents case when things don't go our way but try to imagine the weight and pressure of such a position. his humanness will surely show in the upcoming months and years but keep in mind that he's in the same boat as we are...the human boat of mishaps and mess-ups.

oh i hope good things for the next 4 years.

to the men and some of the women who could probably care less about 'cuteness', please ignore the next line.

the obama family is adorable and his two girls are so cute. what nice little ladies.

in honor of such a day, i am listening to derek webbs politically charged album, mockingbird.

i've enjoyed this [free] album for so long now. there is so much meaning behind the lyrics.

so many thoughts about how to personally fuse the two worlds of faith and politics.

faith and politics. quite the subject if you want to ask me.

"let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter, and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

-taken from barack obama's inauguration speech

      1.20.2009

in completely different news, i want the world to know how blessed i am by this guy:

i can't believe that i have the opportunity and blessing of calling him mine.

he believes in me. he cares about me. he brings me sanity when i need it most.

i'm learning from him.

being with him and loving him has been quite a journey and...

i'm glad it's not over.

whether you're freezing cold, burning hot or somewhere in the milder sections of the country,

enjoy your day.

may peace be yours.

it's cold

"...those orange juice drinking floridan sissys....i'm going there next week."
"haHAhahaHA" [creepy laugh]

--new york city man talking of how cold florida is
on the TodayShow



it's cold here in most of america. SO COLD. there is a chance that my ass will actually freeze itself off. when i woke up this morning, the wind chill was -13. i am not used to this people. i know i've been back for just over two weeks but come on! i had over 10 months of solid warmth and now THIS? oh geez.

the cold is not the cause but...
i may be on the move in the upcoming months.
good-bye kansas, hello....some other state?








being away from the PEOPLE/things i love the most is hard.
but i'm learning.

toss it out the window.

blog number three of being back in america.

it's been about 11 days since i've been here.

i don't feel as much culture shock as people seem to think i do. i've never really had to deal with culture shock upon my returns to the States. how or why, i'm not sure but i just kind of seem to slide into wherever i'm at. i'm pretty sure i enjoy this. i do my best to embrace all the good in a culture and do what i can do to perhaps 'deal' with or 'adapt' to that which is viewed as bad.

thankful doesn't begin to describe how gracious i am for my time not spent in america. not only have i been able to do what my heart has always enjoyed doing [helping those who need it in a felt way, seeking good] but i am been blessed with an expanded worldview.

i heard a story this past week about how a guy stood up in a forum about world hunger and said something along the lines of how he ate dinner that day and he wasn't hungry and so everything was fine. hopefully what that boy said doesn't strike the average person as 'normal' or even 'comprehendible' but seriously. how do you really disconnect the two worlds? what is it that makes the worlds of 'us' and 'them' so appealing. i think for one thing, it portrays the selfishness that engulfs some of the western world but more than that, it's just plain craziness in my head.

lets face it. unfortunately the comfortable world of 'us' would not happen without the very uncomfortable world of 'them'. most things that we do to enjoy ourselves happens at the expense of 'them'. we exploit them to the highest degree and try to justify it all in our minds somehow.

now i don't have solid answers or solutions to problems like that but i do know that by making conscious decisions to be more aware of how everything that i do as a consumer effects someone else, somewhere else in the world, i am doing my part. i don't want to sit here and point out the spec in others eyes, when i'm avoiding the one in my own eye. we are all responsible for what we know and what we've experienced and what we've seen. sometimes it's hella hard to embrace and connect the two worlds but it's a venture and path that is well worth all of our time. because as long as we allow ourselves to live in a world of 'us' and 'them', we are not doing our part in 'making the world a better place'. we are furthering the problem and widening the ever present gap between the first world and the third world.

the third world may not have the material riches that the west has, but rest assured they have an abundant beauty that cannot be taken away. sometimes the hardest things in life require one to life the veil in front of their eyes and take a look at the world around them. the real world, not the one they've been taught to see.

i know this blog may not have made a lot of sense nor followed one topic but it's what came out. apart from margo, [: i don't even know who [if anyone] reads this anymore. i hope that your new year is going well. it's my hope that this year we all expand our willingness to learn and change for the good.

be well friends.

decent reminder.

though i feel slightly mixed up when it comes to where i belong and what i'm supposed to be doing these days, it's people like this that help remind me i'll be ok.

more legit blog to come.

stay with me.

i'm{not}fooling myself.

i am back in america.

everything here moves so fast.

also, the bright lights are overwhelming at times.

rooms seem small because the ceilings are so low

[in comparison to ceilings in uganda]

new years eve came...and went...

without me leaving the house.

i needed time alone to process

[i ended up looking at apartments in kansas city]

i've yet to give myself a good amount of time to think.

what i should be doing, i'm not.

i need to sit. read. listen. write. think. think. think.

it'll come. i've only been here 4 days. [weird?]

lack of processing aside...

i miss this man like mad.

[come quick february 16. please.]

it's here.

in less than 48 hours, i will be on a plane headed for london. i think i’ve realized more than ever that our human brains can’t accurately wrap our minds around the concept of time. it’s something that is completely out of our control and something that our lives, in one way or another, depends on. each day that passes, i come one step closer to leaving and for once in my life, i’m liking that. but at the same time, with each day that passes, i come one step closer from leaving the place that has taught me so much. all of this is such a strange situation for me. i wouldn’t exactly name it as ‘bittersweet’ but maybe a version of that way.

everything that i’ve learned over the past ten months has been learned here. here in this country. here in this town. here in this house. here in this village. here in this heart. and as i leave, the only thing that i can physically take with me is my heart. and i suppose if anything, i am very thankful for that because i know that my heart can hold all of those things until i return. this country, this city, this house, these people…all of them can dwell with me in my heart. i’m [stubbornly] learning to not only accept this but enjoy it.

the past few days have been filled with ‘last times’ and ‘good-byes’ and somehow i have remained composed throughout all of it. i always imagined these days as some of the hardest in my life but i’m seeing now that the hardest days of my time here are past. i have experienced them, i have lived them and now i am different because of them. i am leaving here on a good note. it’s a note that sings out of peace and joy and thankfulness and calmness. God has showed up on many occasions to provide peace in crazy situations but i don’t think any situation can top this one. i am at peace with so many things right now. i’m finally at a healthy spot (:

as this season is coming to an end real quick,

there are a few things i want to say..

i have talked so much about light gives heat and all that i do with them but i want to take the time to write about things that aren’t often talked about. more specifically, the people behind it. dave, morgan and rachel. they are some of the most humble and hardworking people i’ve come across. without these three people [plus a slew of volunteers in the US] running things in the States, the work here in Uganda would be impossible. all of them have experienced life in Uganda, all of them have seen a need and now they are offering their time and heart to all that light gives heat is about. even in the crazy times, they believe in what we’re doing and they work hard to keep things. i am incredibly grateful for all they’ve done for me. for offering me this position and continually being there for me in so many ways. i want to thank them for their understanding and support in my decision to go back to the States again. and so, to the three of you, dave, morgan and rachel, i want you to know how thankful i am. you are all wonderful people and i’ve been more than blessed to work with you all.

to joe and Melissa, you’ll do great here. i want to thank you for your willingness and flexibility in all of this. both of your hearts are eager to be here and to love and to serve and the people you’re around will be blessed because of you. i know i won’t be here for your wedding but know that i am behind you two all the way. i am excited for your lives together.

and to josh, my best friend who probably will never read this, it’s a simple message to you. thank you for your constant support of everything i do. i couldn’t have lasted as long as i did here without you beside me.

so here we are…after many months and many words, this is my last blog in uganda. i’ll continue writing when i return to the States. your prayers over the next few days for safe travels and continued peace and joy would be so wonderful to me. i’ll write as soon as i can.

good season.

scovia

To the women of Suubi,

I know that this day where I say good-bye to you has come sooner than we all thought it would but even so, I want to make the best of this hard day. I am better at writing my thoughts down than I at speaking and so I have decided to give you my “thank you” in a letter.

I need you ladies to know how thankful I am to have spent the past nine months with you. You have brought so much joy and fun to my life and heart. In the many months that I have been away from America and my own family, you have become like an extended family to me. The time spent with you in your homes has taught me so much about hospitality and kindness. The way that you all face problems with a smile on your face and hope in your heart is something that I admire of you. You have shown me what true beauty looks like.

Over the past nine months, you have taught me, with words and without words, so much about so many different subjects. What I’ve learned from you will travel with me to America next week. I have been here in Uganda working hard beside you over the past months and although it’s sad to say good-bye, please don’t forget that though you may not see my face every week, I will still be working for you.

ronald, mollys boy

If I have learned anything over the past months, it is that you all work hard and deserve so much. When I am in America, I will do my best to tell everyone I know about you. I’ll share your stories with people and I will tell them about your wonderful personalities. Your necklaces are beautiful and I will sell as many as possible to those around me.

You are being left with good people. Joe and Melissa love you all very much and they will take very good care of you. Be nice to them and continue to show them how great you are. I am sad to leave you but it is good for all of us to know that you won’t be left alone. Continue loving one another and taking care of one another. I pray you all live in peace with one another. Never forget that we are all working towards the same goal of peace and love and life.

So for now, I say good-bye. I love you all deeply and you will forever be in my heart. I am a different person because of you. Don’t forget how far God has brought us all.

I love you and we will be in touch soon.

Julie

julie, my "namesake"

well, ladies and gentlemen, there has been a big change of plans in my time here. when i arrived here in February, i could never have foreseen this happening but i have changed my ticket to go back to the States. instead of leaving on February 11th, i am now leaving just three short weeks from today on December 28th. there are too many reasons for me to list as to why this decision was made but i know [even in the hard times and crying and second guessing] it’s the right decision.

i have learned more than i could have ever imagined about humility and doing things in a more dependent way…in a way that puts the pressure off of myself and onto completely dependence on the Lord.

being here in uganda for ten months has done an explainable number on me. there have been changes that are good and i will be forever thankful for the trials and fears i have gone through and overcome. but there have also been things that have been wearing on me more than i thought. i love this country and the people, in the deep parts of my heart, i do, but as i [reluctantly] told the Suubi ladies yesterday afternoon, i need a break. honestly, i don’t know what that means and what that will look like in terms of coming back here, but i know that a break is needed.

as i sat on my bedroom floor on Thursday morning with morgan, i was able to work out a lot of my thoughts and be reassured that i am not alone in all that i’ve feeling. people have been in my position before and i think it’s easy for me to be tricked into thinking that i’m completely alone. it’s a lie and i know that i can’t believe it because if i continue to do so, all that will happen is that i’ll gain a growing sense of i’m a failure and i’m weak. it’s easy to let the small voice of the Evil One tell me that everyone else is doing it and if i can’t do it, then i’m not good enough. in those moments, i am so thankful for my mom, my josh and my friends, who are quick to remind me that, that’s not the case.

living here in Africa for 10 months has opened my eyes to so many things. one of them being that ignorance is not bliss. living here i have been able to feel more of the weight of this place and in a strange way, i am thankful for that. i would rather have my heart exposed to hard things that cause a girl to think rather than just turn my head away. being here, living here, has forced me to not be able to turn my head. i have had to face, head on, the reality of this place and at times it has been overwhelming hard.

as i leave this place and go back to kansas to rest and get my head on straight, i will be doing my best to keep my heart bowed down and my head held high. i need to walk out of here with my head held high, knowing that God is proud of me and doesn’t view me any differently because i’m needing to return to rest and recoup but i need to keep my heart in a humble position. though i’m leaving, the learning and need for humility will not change. i need to process everything my eyes have seen and everything my heart has been pressed with.

i ask for your prayers in the upcoming 3 weeks. though i know it’s the right decision, it’s already been proven to be a hard decision. but the right things aren’t always easy and fun. i am needing a whole bunch of grace and reassurance from the Lord. if i have learned anything over the past months it’s that being the ‘strong person’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be but i do ask that God would give me some strength in my good-byes to the Suubi women. i want to enjoy my last weeks here with the other volunteers as well as josh.

“the love of Christ is rich and free…
no earth or hell can it remove.
as long he lives, his own he’ll love.”

smiles first.

last night, on the matatu ride home from kampala, it was dark and
i saw a mans smile before i saw his body or face.

i love that.



i hope and pray that the people of this country
see and understand their beauty.