coming soon..

this boy has turned me into the emotional sap that i swore i'd never be.

i see him in one week.

can't go back.

it's a new season friends.

there is a good amount of happy.

there is a good amount of shitty.

i'm ok with it all right now.

can't seem to catch a break when it comes to learning things.

whatever. it's probably best that way.

helped two little girls make necklaces tonight from suubi beads.

it was fun to be with them but it wasn't the same as sitting in one of those ladies homes and eating matoke with them and insisting they didn't buy me a pop.

it will never be the same.

i will never be the same.

i miss sneaking up behind betty and scaring her and then getting into tickle fights with her. they usually backfired on me when josh and her would team up to get me.

yeah. i'll never be the same...

where do we go?

i just hung up the phone with my joshua.

as i closed my phone, i heard the delightful screams of kymbi

i found myself crying and i thought to myself...

what the hell is going on???

why am i not in uganda with that beautiful child and his mother???

this has been one of the hardest days since being back.

i am praying that the Lord doesn't leave my side

because i am uncontrollable without Him.

where do we go when we don't even know where we're at?

"here in my darkest hour, you remind me of how faithful you are."

i'll write more later.

a new day.

so here we are on one the most historical days ever in regards to politics and racial equality our nation has ever seen.

as i was doing my thang on the elliptical machine at my 'fitness club' today, FOX News [sick blech] was on one of the tv's. though it's not my news channel of choice, i had no other election based option and really, i guess it was ok because at this point, it was only the parade being shown. anyways. i started thinking about this whole day and what it means for our country and what it COULD look like for our country and the thoughts just kept coming.

i was thinking about how it's slightly funny that so many americans support and trust the new president [not just obama, any president]. i just feel like it's so out of the ordinary for so MANY americans to place so much hope in one man when it's not guaranteed that he will succeed in what is expected of him. i am not saying that we should not get behind a candidate and support them, it just struck me for a minute how that's not usually how the american people work. we usually like to have things lined up and figured out and set in stone before we really commit to them. put i suppose that's the world of politics? nothing is ever set in stone.

all of that said...i am, like many americans, support obama. he was the one that caused me to shout and jump up and down in uganda when i heard the news he was elected president on november 4. he was the one i voted for, he was the one i trust and hope to do the best job for our country. knowing he has so much ahead of him [SO MUCH], it's my hope that the america people will stick with him and do their best to treat him as a respected leader. knowing he won't do everything we want or he'll make choices we don't all necessarily agree with, i hope we're able to maintain an ample amount of respect and honor. we're so quick to get on the presidents case when things don't go our way but try to imagine the weight and pressure of such a position. his humanness will surely show in the upcoming months and years but keep in mind that he's in the same boat as we are...the human boat of mishaps and mess-ups.

oh i hope good things for the next 4 years.

to the men and some of the women who could probably care less about 'cuteness', please ignore the next line.

the obama family is adorable and his two girls are so cute. what nice little ladies.

in honor of such a day, i am listening to derek webbs politically charged album, mockingbird.

i've enjoyed this [free] album for so long now. there is so much meaning behind the lyrics.

so many thoughts about how to personally fuse the two worlds of faith and politics.

faith and politics. quite the subject if you want to ask me.

"let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter, and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

-taken from barack obama's inauguration speech

      1.20.2009

in completely different news, i want the world to know how blessed i am by this guy:

i can't believe that i have the opportunity and blessing of calling him mine.

he believes in me. he cares about me. he brings me sanity when i need it most.

i'm learning from him.

being with him and loving him has been quite a journey and...

i'm glad it's not over.

whether you're freezing cold, burning hot or somewhere in the milder sections of the country,

enjoy your day.

may peace be yours.

it's cold

"...those orange juice drinking floridan sissys....i'm going there next week."
"haHAhahaHA" [creepy laugh]

--new york city man talking of how cold florida is
on the TodayShow



it's cold here in most of america. SO COLD. there is a chance that my ass will actually freeze itself off. when i woke up this morning, the wind chill was -13. i am not used to this people. i know i've been back for just over two weeks but come on! i had over 10 months of solid warmth and now THIS? oh geez.

the cold is not the cause but...
i may be on the move in the upcoming months.
good-bye kansas, hello....some other state?








being away from the PEOPLE/things i love the most is hard.
but i'm learning.

toss it out the window.

blog number three of being back in america.

it's been about 11 days since i've been here.

i don't feel as much culture shock as people seem to think i do. i've never really had to deal with culture shock upon my returns to the States. how or why, i'm not sure but i just kind of seem to slide into wherever i'm at. i'm pretty sure i enjoy this. i do my best to embrace all the good in a culture and do what i can do to perhaps 'deal' with or 'adapt' to that which is viewed as bad.

thankful doesn't begin to describe how gracious i am for my time not spent in america. not only have i been able to do what my heart has always enjoyed doing [helping those who need it in a felt way, seeking good] but i am been blessed with an expanded worldview.

i heard a story this past week about how a guy stood up in a forum about world hunger and said something along the lines of how he ate dinner that day and he wasn't hungry and so everything was fine. hopefully what that boy said doesn't strike the average person as 'normal' or even 'comprehendible' but seriously. how do you really disconnect the two worlds? what is it that makes the worlds of 'us' and 'them' so appealing. i think for one thing, it portrays the selfishness that engulfs some of the western world but more than that, it's just plain craziness in my head.

lets face it. unfortunately the comfortable world of 'us' would not happen without the very uncomfortable world of 'them'. most things that we do to enjoy ourselves happens at the expense of 'them'. we exploit them to the highest degree and try to justify it all in our minds somehow.

now i don't have solid answers or solutions to problems like that but i do know that by making conscious decisions to be more aware of how everything that i do as a consumer effects someone else, somewhere else in the world, i am doing my part. i don't want to sit here and point out the spec in others eyes, when i'm avoiding the one in my own eye. we are all responsible for what we know and what we've experienced and what we've seen. sometimes it's hella hard to embrace and connect the two worlds but it's a venture and path that is well worth all of our time. because as long as we allow ourselves to live in a world of 'us' and 'them', we are not doing our part in 'making the world a better place'. we are furthering the problem and widening the ever present gap between the first world and the third world.

the third world may not have the material riches that the west has, but rest assured they have an abundant beauty that cannot be taken away. sometimes the hardest things in life require one to life the veil in front of their eyes and take a look at the world around them. the real world, not the one they've been taught to see.

i know this blog may not have made a lot of sense nor followed one topic but it's what came out. apart from margo, [: i don't even know who [if anyone] reads this anymore. i hope that your new year is going well. it's my hope that this year we all expand our willingness to learn and change for the good.

be well friends.

decent reminder.

though i feel slightly mixed up when it comes to where i belong and what i'm supposed to be doing these days, it's people like this that help remind me i'll be ok.

more legit blog to come.

stay with me.