read it and weep, kids.

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i apologize for the length of this blog...
i've been horrible about updating.
the longer i wait, the longer the blog
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let me get this out of my system and then we'll move on..

there have been many moments of frustration in the past week.

i’m seeing/recognizing that we all walk a very fine, very dangerous line when we start treating those around us with a complete lack of respect, dignity and especially love. also, i’m not sure which is worse…to treat people like that or to be on the receiving end of it. in my heart of hearts i just don’t know what to do or say anymore

i’m praying for continued patience in all areas of my life. when the situations that are going on in my life are present, it feels like an uphill climb to remain patient and to love without hesitation. i read yesterday about how God changes our character with the passion of His love. it has become my prayer that, that would happen not only in my heart but your heart and the heart of others as well. that the love of God would go before us…that the LOVE of God would surround us all in ways that we can’t even imagine.


now moving on.


“…having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. for those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own…but as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one.” Hebrews 11:14,16

what a fallen world we live in.
what a blessing it is that this earth isn’t our home.

as a people of faith, we need to be living in the reality that what we see around us [the earth] isn’t our true home. i’ve found that there is a deep longing in our heart for more. more love. more truth. more hope. more faith. more of the Holy One. when heaven holds our hearts, we gain a more eternal perspective. and an eternal perspective is crucial as a follower of Christ.

as i look into the faces of the children, women and men, i am reminded that i am looking at a reflection of Christ. each and every one of us was created in the image of God. the amount of respect, dignity, reverence and love we need to be giving to each human is immeasurable.

because lets face it, folks…
we all love ourselves enough…
it’s about time that we start loving others in the same manner.




moving on [again]


the 4 of us [josh, kathryn, ian and i] have begun a relationship with a newly established organization and it has been nothing but a huge blessing. it’s a children home that includes a school that is nursery school through P2. there are approximately 70 children and they arrrrre wonderful. there is also a widows program and i just can’t explain it all but it’s a blessing beyond compare. they are so incredibly gracious and welcoming and loving and accepting. we visited last Tuesday and decided to go back Sunday afternoon with clothes and some food.

it was such a JOY to be able to hand out shirts and dresses to the children. [i’ve posted three pictures here on my blog but i’ve posted many more on my facebook account. there is a link at the end of this blog]. some of the children came to us as scared as can be of the ‘white people’ while other children ran over to us with a huge smile on their face and skip in their feet as they went away. after they received their clothes, Kathryn was there handing out little pieces of candy for them…they loved loved loved it all!

although we weren’t able to get them a huge amount of food, we stopped off and got 13kg of rice and 16kg of beans before we got there. because there are so many of them, it will probably only last them 4 or 5 meals but at least a few meals will be a little more nutritious than they are accustomed to!

very quickly, i want to say thank you to my DAD!
because most of this would not have been possible without him!
i love you!

we will be going back to this place in the next few days. we are going to be getting allllllll the kids at least one round of deworming pills. hopefully their big ol’ stomachs will start to shrink (: i’m also praying about the possibility of getting these children tested not only for malaria but HIV/AIDS. given that they live in a village and poverty is overwhelming, it’s almost guaranteed that none of them have been tested for HIV. i’m not sure how all of this testing will happen though because i know of no medical personnel here in Uganda that would be able to get out to this village and who would be able to perform the needed tests. it would require getting these children into town and into a clinic to be tested. between transportation costs and medical costs, we just don’t have the funds to do this yet.

if you’d like to help out, that’d be more than amaaaazing!
you have no idea how far $10 can go here…no idea!
if you’d like to contribute to this specific need,
please please please let me know!
because the sooner, the better for these children.


so i was thinking about it and i decided that...
i’m pretty sure that 6 months from now, i’ll still be riding down the road on a piki and i’ll still be looking around thinking to myself ‘geez, this is really my life’ and i'll still be thanking God for LIFE!

i can’t count the number of times i tell God ‘thanks’ in one days time.
i don’t deserve any of this…not one bit.
but praise God for he doesn’t look at what we deserve.
his grace is enough and his love endures.

thanks for the encouragement.
it’s good to know i’m not alone…
you all are truly wonderful.







pictures are none.
the internet is not working in my favor today.
sorry folks :(
maybe tomorrow!

edit:
pictures have arrived on my facebook!
here is the link (:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2174485&l=133ee&id=17022221
enjoy!!

long time coming.

i wrote this approximately 5 days ago.
its just now getting up here - sorry

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“home is where the heart is”

we’ve all heard the saying. we’ve all probably rolled our eyes at how completely cliché it sounds. but whether you think it’s ridiculous or not, it’s my prayer that one day you will experience it.

I know now more than ever that heaven is our eternal home and nothing on this earth has ever, will ever or can ever take that away from us as believers in Christ but what a joy it is to be where your heart is…to be where the Lord has led you. for me, whether I am riding down the road on the back of a piki looking at the sun reflect off of the River Nile or holding a child because they fell down the steps or walking by a group of school children who are dancing around in circles in their underwear…my heart is absolutely soaring. i cannot imagine a more pleasing spot for me to be.

being here of course has it’s frustrations but recently it’s just made me laugh because almost every single one of the frustrations doesn’t come from the people of Uganda or the ‘typical’ African situations most seem to get frustrated with. i’m recognizing more than ever how vitally important attitude is and how crucial the need for love is. in all situations. in all circumstances. in all relationships. in all of our weeks, days, hours and minutes. in thinking about these situations and how the presence of Christ’s love is often lacking, i’m just reminded of the verse that talks about how the love of Christ controls us. i am but a human and so my life is a far cry from speaking and living this truth out 100% of my days, but God is moving. i believe that even in recognizing my shortcomings, the glory of God is being revealed. not for my sake or your sake but His alone.

i’ve also learned in the recent weeks [in a new way] that if we say we are serving others in the name of Christ, our actions sure as heck better be showing that. i am my own person and though the strength of God is with me and is strong, dealing with the problems that other ‘Christians’ have left behind is hard. in all of the frustrations of the day, whether big or small, i am attempting to weave grace in and out of all that i do. if you desire to pray for me, i would ask that you would join me in this prayer: that the grace of God that i’ve come to know is good enough and deep enough for me would be extended to all of those around me without hesitation.

my time at Amani Baby Cottage isn’t exactly full time anymore but i’m okay with that. i still plan on spending as many afternoons as possible there loving on, caring for and serving the children. little josie is doing good. i am praying for continued strides towards better health and further physical and mental development. she has so much potential, she just needs to be worked with on a one on one basis on a regular basis. when she’s not being ridiculously stubborn, you can find her ‘crawling’ around towards whatever has grabber her attention. she loves bath time and she [usually] loves to be tossed into the air. though she is not legally ‘mine’, i consider her as nothing but a gift in my life. may the Lords way and will be done in our lives (: (:

if you couldn’t already tell, i’m absolutely loving my time here. there are up days and there are down days but so goes life, right? i’ve found myself saying it over and over, again and again but i just can’t believe this life is mine. this life that i am living is a gift from God and i am doing my best to protect and treasure it.

i know that i probably don’t make a whole lot of sense at times but thank you for taking the time to read all of my ramblings. thanks for reassuring me that i’m not alone in what i do and what i desire. as i write this, i am praying that whoever you and wherever you come from, the complete joy and indescribable goodness of the Lords would be yours.

feel free to comment or email me or whaaatver you’d like to do.
i would love to hear from you.
let me know how i can be praying for you.

our God is big.
julie


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a few more pictures:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=35582647&l=77274&id=17022221

in addition to that blog, i would ask for prayers.
much has been brought to my attention.
the Lords direction needs to be directing my steps.
i am praying. the burden is heavy. the Lord makes it light.
more on all of this mumbo jumbo later.

sorry for the lack of 'blogging' folks.

i have had one written on my computer for over 2 days now but i haven't been able to get my laptop hooked up to the internet since then. hopefully in the next 2 days i'll be able to put it up so you all can read!

until then, know i am safe. i am sound. and i am in love with this place.
pray for direction.
i want to be able to meet the needs i see in a Holy, responsible way.

Eight days down, 300+ to go?

Though my days here are still in the single digits, I feel as though weeks and weeks have passed since I landed last Wednesday. The days are filled with kids and walking and laughing and conversations and lots and lots of love. Each morning that I wake up and feel the cool breeze on my skin, I’m reminded again and again in a very gentle way that it is GOOD that I am here. Not just good because I like it here but good because God desires it in my life. I am doing my best to live that out in my every day actions and lets just say that I’m finding it it’s quite easy to do when all I see are beautiful faces and beautiful land.

I’ve been spending the majority of my time at Amani Baby Cottage, the same place I was at for 5 months last year. It’s been such a blessing to have a place to go and just love kids. After trying to process a lot of things I think that I decided that even though 100% of my time will not be spent at Amani during my time here, it will always hold a special place in my heart. It’s the first place I came in Uganda and it’s the place that God used to show me so much about love. So even though things may pick up in the next few weeks with various other things, Amani will be my ‘home base’ and I’ll be visiting quite often.

In the next couple of days I will be meeting with 2 girls to talk about organizing/planning/teaching an English classes for the women in the Suubi project. [For the sake of time, I’d invite you to visit the website [suubiafrica.org] to learn more about Suubi.] We will be brainstorming and attempting to come up with creative ideas to teach these women the English language. As time progresses, there are hopes of also starting a Lugandan [a language here] language class for the international Suubi volunteers. I think we’ll be taking things one step at a time though (:. With Suubi allowing us as volunteers to have some freedom in what we want to do and what we think should be done will be a lot of fun I think. I’m really excited to be working with such a neat and creative organization.

Even after having delayed flights, cancelled flights, a serious lack of sleep and getting to Uganda later than I was supposed to…God was faithful and took care of me.
Even after having some problems with my phone when all I wanted to do what communicate with people back home…God was faithful and took care of me.
Even after accidentally taking medicine I’m allergic to, following that with many anti-histamines, my throat closing up and my breathing getting quite shallow…God was SO faithful and took GOOD care of me.

There is so much ahead of me…I can barely wait to see what happens…to see how the Lord is going to choose to work in my life. I know that whatever it is, it’ll be good. Although I am excited for the future, rest assured that I am definitely loving life NOW. Walking through town, reading a book to kids, holding my dear little Josephine [she’s the one pictured below], laughing with my friends, reading the Word of God and finding comfort, peace, assurance and joy, making silly faces with the 6 girls that live in the house I’m staying with…..it’s all my life and all I can do is love every minute of it.

I’m incredibly thankful that I’m not left alone to live this life. Not only do I have the constant presence of the Lord, I have the constant encouragement of my family and friends and random people who I meet along the way.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, whether you found this blog randomly or on purpose…thanks for joining me on this journey. I’ll do my best to keep you all updated. Feel free to comment or email or…do whatever.

Love.
Love.
Love.
Always.

here is a link to more pictures:
http://ksu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2174485&l=51e86&id=17022221

the digits are single.

one week from now, i will have left my home.

i'll be spending one day in ks city with my family before i take off and leave the country.

i've seen this day coming for quite sometime now but i have to admit, i'm not sure how i'm handling it. even in the tears and in the hurt of leaving my friends and family, i can sense the closeness of the Lord; He is closer than my skin. when i am alone and tears are streaming down my face and i'm dreading saying good-bye, there is a peace in the innermost part of my heart - I am not alone.

i have so much to look forward to. God is calling me back to a land where beauty encompasses even what our eyes make out to be the most horrendous situations.

in going to uganda last year i think i learned more than ever that Beauty does not hold itself back. just because our eyes see pain and brokeness and incompleteness and conflict, that does not mean that there is an absence of peace and love and BEAUTY. by no means. i'm understanding this more in every passing day.


i've never felt so bi-polar in my entire life. and i don't say that to sound dramatic or animated but it's the honest truth. i feel up and down all the time. i'm not sure if i've ever been so thankful that the Lord is CONSTANT. when i'm in tears because i have to say good-bye; He's the same. when i'm elated at the thought of being with my african friends, jospephine and beautiful ugandan women; He's the same. yesterday, today and tomorrow His love never changes and neither do His plans. His plans for me were the same yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. i'm thankful that my heart hasn't lost sight of this.

it's funny how even when our plans seem so 'set', so 'definite', outside situations can completely mix things up. a week ago, i thought i knew exactly what i was doing. a couple of days ago, i was in such a place of uncertainty yet somehow, my heart remained at peace. a calmness was all around me. today, God has brought to the surface some new opportunities for me. there is still a hint of uncertainty [which is to be assumed since it's africa and things can change in an instant] but overall, i think that there are some wonderful chances for me to love and serve both women and children while i'm over there.

and let me just talk about the phrase 'while i'm over there' because hah, i don't really know exactly what that will look like. i have no idea when i'll be back in the States. the pursuit of adopting josie and what volunteer position i take on while i'm there makes it all so uncertain. i could be there for 8 months or i could be there for a much longer amount of time. i've never been so 'okay' with so much 'unknown'. i love that even when i can't see what's ahead, God knows it and He's taking me down this beautiful path of great things. i'm sure He's just bursting at the seams waiting to let me in on His plans. oh Lord, i can't wait to know. in His time...in His time.



i've received an outpouring of support through both encouraging words and financial contributions. within 5 days, i received $600, mostly from young people....from students....praise God. even though i have never had a set amount of money to be 'raised', i'm praying that God would continue to provide in the financial area. i have supported myself more than i ever thought possible and i am thankful for that but am now left at the provision of God. i can't think of a better place to be. He's the only one that can TRULY provide anyways. if you or anyone you know would like to help out financially and have a paypal account, you are able to send money to my email address: julie.durkee@gmail.com and the money will go straight into my account. if you do not have paypal but would still like to give now or even months from now, you can send checks or cash to my home. if that interests you, let me know and i'll give you the address.





may i please express how thrilled i am that i get to hold my little josie in about a week?
i can't believe it's so soon. it's been 8 months.
how great it will be to have her in my arms again.
what a precious little girl.
i'm continuing to pray for the adoption details.

there are so many more things to be said.

but i can't find the words to say them.

....i just need to make it through these next 6 days

5, 4, 3, 2...

and still, the day draws closer.
february 25th seems like it's years away.
and yet, i know it'll come at me quicker than i know.

i'm pretty much done working and that means i'm left with just over 4 weeks to 'prepare' to leave. i still haven't quite figured out how to prepare to leave for an unknown amount of time but uh, i'm working on it. i really want to dig deep in these next weeks. dig deep into the heart of God, into the lives of my family and friends and the world around me. i could see manhattan again in 8 months or i could see manhattan again in 18 months...

i'm so lost as to how my 'financial' situation is going to work out. however, don't be fooled because right now, lost and worried are not the same thing. looking at the big picture, my little mind doesn't know how it'll be pulled together. my family isn't able to give large amounts, i don't have a bulging bank account, i won't be around to do fundraisers, i am apart of a community of believers but i am not apart of an actual 'church'. all of that being said, i cling to the PROMISE that the God who has called me to this journey, will not desert me along the way. the God of Jacob, the God of Abraham, the God of Rebecca, of Moses, of Noah, of Paul, of David, of you and of me will not leave me nor forsake me.

"TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." proverbs 3.5-6

like i said earlier, my little mind can't figure out how this will all play out but it's truths like this that remind that i don't need to figure it out or even care about figuring it out. He's got the whole world in His hands and last I checked, I'm on earth right now (:

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"go into the unknown and i will light the way and lead you
i will do the rest if you will go and leave all that you know
take a leap of faith, believe that i will do the rest if you will go"

i am fascinated by light. always have been, probably always will be.
simple sentences like the one above speak profound things into my heart.

there is this whole theme of 'unknown' in my life right now.
when i leave my family on feb. 25th, how long until i see them next - unknown.
will the adoption of josephine ever be possible - unknown
am i ever supposed to come back to the states to live - unknown
how in the world will God provide finances - unknown
etc. etc. etc.

there are some pretty big things on my heart right now if you can't tell.
i can't express how THANKFUL i am that i'm not alone to face them/handle them.
God is closer than my skin.
His Word speaks truth.
My friends and family speak truth.

i say my first hard goodbye on tuesday night.
i won't see her for who knows how long.
i honestly don't like to think about it.
["leave all that you know...i will lead you"]
God is in this. all of this.
the pain, struggle, confusion.
worth it. it's all worth it though.

i've had many conversations in the recent weeks about how the deeper we get, the more holiness we pursue, the harder the battle becomes. that's never been truer in my life than it is now. i'm thankful for this battle because it's just another way of the Lord receiving the glory - winning the battle. victory is His. always has been, always will be.

"If we do not abide in prayer, we will abide in temptation." - john owen
i'm learning, i'm learning, i'm learning.



His mercy is new.

that's enough for today.

seek peace and pursue it - psalm 34.14

somewhere a clock is ticking

my first journey to uganda began exactly one year ago today.
only 5 more weeks until i leave again for africa.

i haven't decided if i'll send email updates
or
if i'll just post every once in a while on here

i'll let everyone know as sooon as i do
(: