all roads lead to the place we are.

the past two days i was blessed with the opportunity to attend a Passion conference here in Uganda. they are visiting 17 cities all around the world this year and it just so happened that Kampala [the capital of Uganda] was one of their stops. i don’t have words to describe how incredibly encouraging it was to my heart. it was more than just a conference, more than just a weekend.

from the days when God literally saved me from myself [saved me from my own physical death] to the days in panama when i acknowledged that Jesus was above me and made a genuine commitment in my heart that I would always say yes to His leading, God was writing a story.

when God lead me to northern Thailand my beliefs and thoughts and views began to take shape. i was figuring out what it was that God was wanting my heart to know so that i could live out my life in His name. in those days, jumbled thoughts became clear ideas.

when i went to college for the first semester and felt horrible uncomfortable, God was writing a story. the crucial wake up call He gave me after the death of a friend and the prompting to move back home after one semester of college was vital in where i’m at now.

when i got involved with invisible children and organized the Global Night Commute in Topeka, Kansas i had no idea how my heart would be transformed and how God would use that transformation to bring me to knew places. as my heart grew in love for the people of Uganda, i knew i couldn’t stay in America, i had to go there. so i worked and i planned and i came. for five months in 2007, i spent time in Uganda loving and care for little children.

shaken to the core by what i saw and experienced in those months and after a few months of confusion by being back in America, my heart responded by saying yes to going back. in those days of decision making, there was so much uncertainty that i decided to just embrace it instead of stressing about. i booked a ticket and didn’t know my return date. i worked and prayed and loved being around friends and family and the day finally came that i left Kansas and headed back to Uganda.

the first month of living here was exactly what i thought it would be…a lot of unknown. i was okay with it. every day was a little different and i was trusting that the Lord would pull through because the Lord had never failed me. in time, a job was offered to me. after a little praying and thinking, i accepted the job.

and here i am. that is life up to now.

as i stood in the field last night surrounded by young Ugandan men and women watching the Watoto Childrens Choir sing a song about love on stage, it hit me a huge way that this is my home. and i grateful to God for making it that. only His grace and mercy and love has the power to make any place on earth a home and that God chose to place me here in this country for this time brought me to tears. i was absolutely floored by the reality of it all. i am not here on accident, i am not here as a visitor. as i thought about the glory of it all last night, a renewed love washed over me. a love for the Lord, a love for all people.

[[it was an extra special moment for me when we sang 'great is our God' because i realized how far God has brought me, physically. i have sang that song in American, Thailand, Uganda. God is global, there is no doubt about it.]]

i have no idea where i will be a year from now. i don’t even want to know. if tomorrow has enough worries of its own, how much more must next year?

i am here. this is my life. i love it but more importantly, i love the Lord. without Him, i wouldn’t be here, i wouldn’t be in Kansas, i wouldn’t be anywhere. i am longing to be with Jesus face to face in heaven but until that day when He calls me home i see once again the remarkable beauty of living on the earth to make Jesus famous.

“have the attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Phil. 2:58

the God we serve is the God who knows the names of the millions of stars in the sky. now that is more than amazing and has the power to knock me down onto my knees but i honestly don’t know which is more fascinating…

that He knows the names of each star

or

that He knows our names and hearts

think about it.

God is big and He is great but He’s not done yet.

lets praise Him for that.

“better happy and poor than rich and unhappy”

as i took in the conversation that was taking place in the ‘living room’ of a woman named Florence and her friend Grace, and i was struck by Grace’s words.

“better happy and poor than rich and unhappy”

i feel like this woman, who is one of the most gracious women i have ever met in my life, gets it. she gets what life is about and what life is not about. though she’s never been rich…she’s seen the rich and she’s seen their attitudes, she’s seen their lifestyles…she’s seen their choices. it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that just because you have ‘stuff’ doesn’t mean you’re satisfied or happy with it all.

these women are absolutely delightful and as i spend time with them, whether for a short or long time, i have gathered many things, one of them being this: they understand the things that matter most in life more than most Westerners will ever understand.

their homes are humble and wonderful.

their families are large and welcoming.

their unique personalities outweigh their present circumstances.

their hard work is something to be mirrored.

i have done a lot of observing lately and i continue to recognize that these bodies, these lives, are fleeting and more temporary than we are able to conceive. though problems and hard situations tempt us all into thinking that this is all there is, there is a voice that’s calling out much louder than those that tempt.

the voice is loud and the voice is full of power and strength. it’s proclaiming that we were made for more and that if we, through Jesus Christ, are able to persevere until we are in our eternal home in heaven, he will show us that it was all worth it. not to ‘prove himself’ right but to declare how good he is and that the earth was just a ‘stop’ on the endless journey.

* * *

i know i don’t need to explain this to everyone but i’m going to share it with you because it’s means a lot me. this life that i am living here in the States is no different than the life i live in the States. i say that to mean this: i am not on a ‘trip’ to Uganda. i am living in Uganda. feeling led by the Lord, i decided to move here. though i was born in America, it is not my home. as followers of the Lord i think we all need to, in big and small, ways learn what that really means. whether it’s following him to get a summer job at a bookstore or whether it’s following his lead to move to Africa for some time…it’s all following and it’s all vital. so just as some of you commend me for ‘braving it’ and coming here, i commend you for being in America if that is where you believe are to remain.

though i have mission, i am not on a missions trip. i hope that you all can understand that. you may feel called to live in the States, i feel called to live in Uganda. apart from a silly physical location, that does not put me in a different place than you. we are all heading in the same direction…we are all after the same thing and that’s a simple and pure pursuit of the heart of God.

* * *

as i was reading the book of James out loud to the girls tonight, i found myself reading words that could not ring truer in my life than now. it’s remarkable how God chooses to present to you what you need to hear. though convictions are not always an enjoyable time, i find myself grateful for them. change doesn’t really come about without conviction and because i’m convinced that God is not a static God, i embrace change…i embrace convictions. though i find myself stumbling through how to work everything out, i know in my heart that all i have to do is seek out the gentle hand of God to lead me.

i work hard and try and get my jumbled thoughts into words for you all but i know i may not be too great at it sometimes. i’m trying; thanks for sticking with me. (:

my sister Ashley [who just graduated from the university of Kansas in the top 10% of her class] will be coming here in just about 3 weeks. it’s soon and i am excited! many things will be changing in the next month…mainly people coming and going…but all in all, i think it’ll be a fun adventure. but what else could i really expect?

…life is an adventure in and of itself.

may love lead you all.

happy mothers day.

this blog is dedicated to my dear mom. on this day where it’s all about the mothers in our lives, whether biological or not, i want everyone to know how great i think she is.

thank you for everything you have done for me and everything you will do for me. i know that i have not been home with you for mothers day for the past two years and i am sorry for that but thank you for understanding why.

thank you for seeing the value of both my life and the lives of others. thank you for believing in me when i may not even believe in myself. thank you for constantly showering me with prayers. thank you for providing for me both physically and emotionally since the day i was born.

thank you for being an example and for being strong in the Lord even when you feel weak. thank you for showing me what beauty has the ability to look like. thank you for encouraging me to obey the Lord, even if it means leaving home countless times to love and follow Him in distant lands.

i don’t express it near enough but i am grateful for you.
i know that i will always have not only a mother in you but a friend.
i love you!

another blog coming soon…

you are not alone.

as i sit here in my bed, without the company of kathryn, i find myself with so many thoughts that i’m not sure how i’ll actually get them out into words in this blog…but for you all, my faithful bloggers, i will do my best to convey what has been going on lately in this mind.

again and again i find myself at ease with the life i am living. though i am far from the circle of people i love from the States [and trust me, the distance can, at times, seem like too much] i am reminded of how pure and how stunningly holy it is that i am here. difficulties and frustrations are present but as i’m sure much of the rest of the world can agree, wherever you travel, wherever you decide to live and plant yourself, life is never perfect. his love is perfect though and i have to remind my heart of this all the dang time.

things with suubi are going so well. we continue to visit the women at their homes and at the English and literacy classes. we all love getting to know them. at times my mind tricks me into thinking a normal emotion to feel when being out there with the women and hearing about their lives would be ‘sympathy’ but i am quick to remind myself that they don’t need or necessarily want sympathy. i think that for me, personally, a better word to describe what i feel when i see them and visit the and talk with them would be desire. i desire to know them more. i desire to know their families. i desire to know their entire story. i desire to have their story be known by all [because they would surely change others]. i desire for their stories to be known so that help may be given. not a help that comes from simply feeling ‘sorry’ for them but a help that comes deep within a heart. the kind of help that comes not out of guilt but the help that understands that they too are people with needs. real needs that perhaps i, or maybe someone i know, may be able to meet. feeling sorry for them does no good because chances are, they have a better grasp of what joy is than we in our American ‘comfort’ do.

i’m learning that though it’s easy to group or categorize those who are practically forced to live in poverty into specific roles or emotions, that is not our place, nor are those roles/emotions typically accurate. i’ve talked to so many Americans who believe that a person is living in poverty because they choose it…or because they are lazy…or because they aren’t good enough and it’s astonishing because these assumptions are usually so far from the truth of the matter. though i can’t speak for all, i’ve found that here in Uganda it’s generally a cycle. a cycle that started way before you were born or even thought of. it’s a cycle that your great-grandparents went through and it’s a cycle that you will have to go through.

all of that said, all i really want to convey is how hard so many people here work. they work day [and maybe night] for their families and for each other. they continue to labor so that they may help those around them. they may be sick or they may be injured or they be quite old, but they work. they work so that their children and grandchildren might have a brighter future than maybe they had themselves.

just yesterday morning Courtney, Rachel [other suubi volunteers] and i were talking with norahs [a suubi lady] grandson and he was explaining that though he’s graduated from a university here, it’s still hard to find work right away. but he went on to explain a little bit of his heart…he explained that though the current situation is hard, he knows that one day his work will pay off. he knows that if he continues to push through this time, his efforts will one day pay off for him and his family. he expressed how it bothers him that his grandmother has to work so hard at such an age. he expressed how he wants to change things. i admire him for this and i thank God for stories like these because i know that this young man of 23 is not alone. his story is so similar to others. they work hard because they desire more. like i’ve said before, they have hope. they know they are not alone. they know that the One who really knows their deepest needs hasn’t abandoned them.

* * *

i’ve been blessed with the continued involvement with the childrens home not far from jinja. though they do not have much, they are all happy. it’s nice because now that the children are getting used to having white people around every once in a while and they are, “slowly by slowly” opening up and we’re beginning to see fun little personalities come out of them!

a quick but BIG thank to you to brad and carrie ficke for contributing funds towards this home. your donation is being used to buy food for the children and they are so happy to receive it!!

i’ve posted a couple of pictures from my recent time there and if you wish to see more, there is a link to my facebook album further down this page.

if anyone reading this wishes to contribute to this home where close to 70 beautiful children reside, contact me. we can figure something out and if you want, you can choose how your money is spent on the children. it could be fun! let me know (:

* * *

like i mentioned in the first paragraph, Kathryn, my dear friend and travel companion for the first two months of my time here, left for the States monday morning. although it was incredibly hard to see her go [emphasis on the incredibly hard] i know and i trust that her going back to Washington was in the perfect timing that only the Lord knows and completely understands. it’s a strange feeling not to being sharing a room, a bathroom, a bed and most importantly my days with her but i know that i’ll be okay. i won’t stop missing her and loving her but i’ll be okay…His mercies are new each morning.

i have other friends here that i am excited to get to know better and i now only have about 5½ weeks until my sister comes for a month long visit!

i know my days will be filled with the women of suubi, the children of the home and the presence of friends and i am so looking forward to the twists and turns that are coming up in life. no matter what happens, i am praying that my heart remains open to whatever it is that He has in store and that i would, in all circumstances, acknowledge the good and have hope in something bigger than myself or the world in which we live.

i appreciate your prayers and your fun words of encouragement. a couple of weeks ago a shirt was given to me and on it, it says ‘i’m not forgotten’. i thank you all back in the States for assuring me that i am not forgotten. keep me updated on your lives because i am sure that they are full of things that i would enjoy hearing and learning from. you all are the best.

time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking

and here is the updated that i have unfortunately had such a hard time putting together for you all.
speaking of 'you all'...i don't know who exactly that is!
let me know if you're reading this! (: (:

i haven't exactly 'proofed' this blog...sorry in advance for the mistakes!

* * * *

i’ve recently taken on a job with the non-profit, light gives heat [lightgivesheat.org] specifically with their suubi project [suubiafrica.org] and so far, so good. it's primarily a project with the purpose of providing the women in Walukuba, Uganda with a steady income through the buying of necklaces in Uganda and then selling them in the States. but really, with suubi, it goes much further than ‘the business’. suubi is, at the heart of it all, a relationship. a relationship with the women in these communities, a relationship with the volunteers in Uganda and a relationship with those who hear their story in America. it’s a project that comes full circle…a project that desires not only to assist in bettering the lives of the Ugandan women and their families but they desire a change in the hearts of the Americans who hear their story.

every human, man or women, adult or child, rich or poor, has a beautiful story that deserves to be told and suubi understands this and wants the stories of these women to be know. i am positive that as i continue to get to know the women and learn their stories, my heart and life will be transformed. i am so excited to know the hearts of these women.

i’ve had many thoughts lately and here is a quote that i think helps put thoughts into words. it’s a long quote but stick with me…

“The truth is that we, in our hyperprosperity, may be able to live without meaning, faith or purpose, filling our threescore years and ten with a variety of entertainments—but most of the world cannot. If economics is implicated in the conflict, it is mostly in an ironic sense: only an abundance of riches such as no previous generation has known could possibly console us for the emptiness of our lives, the absence of stable families and relationships, and the lack of any overarching purpose…. Normal people {that is, the rest of the world}, however, cannot exist without real meaning, without religion anchored in something deeper than existentialism and bland niceness, without a culture rooted deep in the soil of the place where they live.”

-excerpt from the book ‘why the rest hates the west’

these words are dripping with truth. whether or not we’d like to admit it, they hold significant amounts of truth…they are indeed a reality. these words challenge my heart in the way i think…the way i live…the way i interact.

when the quote talks of how ‘the rest of the world’ cannot exist without real meaning, i see that in the lives of so many here in uganda. in the midst of tragedy, poverty and truly unthinkable circumstances, there lies a mysterious presence of hope, love, joy and provision. it’s one of the most wonderful sights i’ve ever seen in my life. more than almost any other time in my life, i see the people around me refusing to believe that this is all there is. they, more than i believe i have ever done, are seeing the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ and believing that it’s true. believing that it’s good. believing that it’s pure.

[inspired by a song sara groves sings]

the courage that these women have makes me ask myself what i’m afraid of.

“do not be afraid little flock for it has pleased your Father to give you the kingdom.”

luke 12

i’m not sure about you, but if a Holy God is promising a kingdom, that shouldn’t leave much room for my little heart to worry. especially considering that when this Holy God that i am in love with says ‘kingdom’, he is not just talking about an earthly, material kingdom but a kingdom that extends much further than our minds can conceive. a kingdom that meets every need, every true desire, every hardship with a smile and a True Solution.

as i am here learning, loving and living in uganda, africa, i am desiring to see the kingdom of God come in a little closer to not just my heart but to all of those around me. i am working towards a more true love towards all. i am trusting that the sacrifice of Jesus was, is and will always be enough for me and every human i see. i am learning that i don’t have all the answers. i am hoping that with lovesick glance i receive from Him, my heart will fall deeper in love with the One who created me.

i will continue to keep you all updated on the organization that i talked about in my previous blog...exciting things are happening, truly.

thanks for being with me on this pursuit of something larger than myself.

without any hesitation, i would absolute love to hear how your lives are.

it’s getting to that time in my stay here that comments/emails/messages from those i love in states are getting few and far between. please friends and family…i truly wish to know how you are! leave a comment…send an email…my heart rejoices in your lives.

geez. i'm bad at this.

sorry.
i haven't updated in 10 years.
i'm horrible.

in the next few days, i hope to write you all an update.
you deserve it.

until then, know i am doing well.
God is good and He's making His ways known.

love you.

read it and weep, kids.

-----

i apologize for the length of this blog...
i've been horrible about updating.
the longer i wait, the longer the blog
-----





let me get this out of my system and then we'll move on..

there have been many moments of frustration in the past week.

i’m seeing/recognizing that we all walk a very fine, very dangerous line when we start treating those around us with a complete lack of respect, dignity and especially love. also, i’m not sure which is worse…to treat people like that or to be on the receiving end of it. in my heart of hearts i just don’t know what to do or say anymore

i’m praying for continued patience in all areas of my life. when the situations that are going on in my life are present, it feels like an uphill climb to remain patient and to love without hesitation. i read yesterday about how God changes our character with the passion of His love. it has become my prayer that, that would happen not only in my heart but your heart and the heart of others as well. that the love of God would go before us…that the LOVE of God would surround us all in ways that we can’t even imagine.


now moving on.


“…having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. for those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own…but as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one.” Hebrews 11:14,16

what a fallen world we live in.
what a blessing it is that this earth isn’t our home.

as a people of faith, we need to be living in the reality that what we see around us [the earth] isn’t our true home. i’ve found that there is a deep longing in our heart for more. more love. more truth. more hope. more faith. more of the Holy One. when heaven holds our hearts, we gain a more eternal perspective. and an eternal perspective is crucial as a follower of Christ.

as i look into the faces of the children, women and men, i am reminded that i am looking at a reflection of Christ. each and every one of us was created in the image of God. the amount of respect, dignity, reverence and love we need to be giving to each human is immeasurable.

because lets face it, folks…
we all love ourselves enough…
it’s about time that we start loving others in the same manner.




moving on [again]


the 4 of us [josh, kathryn, ian and i] have begun a relationship with a newly established organization and it has been nothing but a huge blessing. it’s a children home that includes a school that is nursery school through P2. there are approximately 70 children and they arrrrre wonderful. there is also a widows program and i just can’t explain it all but it’s a blessing beyond compare. they are so incredibly gracious and welcoming and loving and accepting. we visited last Tuesday and decided to go back Sunday afternoon with clothes and some food.

it was such a JOY to be able to hand out shirts and dresses to the children. [i’ve posted three pictures here on my blog but i’ve posted many more on my facebook account. there is a link at the end of this blog]. some of the children came to us as scared as can be of the ‘white people’ while other children ran over to us with a huge smile on their face and skip in their feet as they went away. after they received their clothes, Kathryn was there handing out little pieces of candy for them…they loved loved loved it all!

although we weren’t able to get them a huge amount of food, we stopped off and got 13kg of rice and 16kg of beans before we got there. because there are so many of them, it will probably only last them 4 or 5 meals but at least a few meals will be a little more nutritious than they are accustomed to!

very quickly, i want to say thank you to my DAD!
because most of this would not have been possible without him!
i love you!

we will be going back to this place in the next few days. we are going to be getting allllllll the kids at least one round of deworming pills. hopefully their big ol’ stomachs will start to shrink (: i’m also praying about the possibility of getting these children tested not only for malaria but HIV/AIDS. given that they live in a village and poverty is overwhelming, it’s almost guaranteed that none of them have been tested for HIV. i’m not sure how all of this testing will happen though because i know of no medical personnel here in Uganda that would be able to get out to this village and who would be able to perform the needed tests. it would require getting these children into town and into a clinic to be tested. between transportation costs and medical costs, we just don’t have the funds to do this yet.

if you’d like to help out, that’d be more than amaaaazing!
you have no idea how far $10 can go here…no idea!
if you’d like to contribute to this specific need,
please please please let me know!
because the sooner, the better for these children.


so i was thinking about it and i decided that...
i’m pretty sure that 6 months from now, i’ll still be riding down the road on a piki and i’ll still be looking around thinking to myself ‘geez, this is really my life’ and i'll still be thanking God for LIFE!

i can’t count the number of times i tell God ‘thanks’ in one days time.
i don’t deserve any of this…not one bit.
but praise God for he doesn’t look at what we deserve.
his grace is enough and his love endures.

thanks for the encouragement.
it’s good to know i’m not alone…
you all are truly wonderful.







pictures are none.
the internet is not working in my favor today.
sorry folks :(
maybe tomorrow!

edit:
pictures have arrived on my facebook!
here is the link (:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2174485&l=133ee&id=17022221
enjoy!!