Tuesday, June 9, 2009

i have returned.

so people keep talking about how they want me to blog more.
but the thing is, no one really reads it. [at least to my knowledge]

right now, as i see it, i'm writing down my thoughts just so i can re-read them in a few months. that's pretty much how the blogging world works if no one 'follows' or reads.

regardless of whether or not this will be read or if it turns out to be for my own enjoyment down the road, i'll try and explain life these days.

i am, in fact still engaged to this hunk of a man:

[i showed this picture to my grandma this afternoon. she said 'he's a handsome man' and i said 'why yes, he is!' and then she pointed to me and said 'but you, i like that smile']

the wedding is now less than two months out.
and no, i'm not stressed with wedding planning.
[but yes, i am stressed about immigration.]

i have a dress [but it can't be revealed]
all the girls have dresses [but each has a different dress so it's too many pictures]
all the guys have tuxes [but i simply lack any pictures]
flowers have been ordered
decorations have been decided [but we don't set up/tear down...score!]

this day that will mark one of the most important events of my life is turning out to be a classier event than i ever thought it would be. thankfully, that is happening at no huge price tag. [in wedding terms that is] i cannot wait for that day to come.

my heart soars to think about not only being 'a bride' but
joshs bride.

i am committed, without any hesitation, to living out my days with joshua brian. i look forward to standing before josh in front of our friends and family on that august day and vowing my love and respect and honor to this man [who has truly exceeded any expection i had of what my husband would be].

looking to josh to complete me or to make me whole is not what i'm after. no human on this planet can fill every void or whole but i do look forward to josh being next to me. encouraging me, supporting me, loving me, praying for me.

my grandma is now in a nursing home. [that's an entirely different blog though] the first time i went and visited her there, i was slightly overwhelmed by many things. as i walked out of there, i had so many thoughts running through my head and the only thing i could seem to do is send josh a text message saying 'i just left the nursing home...i want to grow old with you. i love you so much'. and his response, which i love, was 'i love you too, so much. we can grow old and crazy together.'

i have experienced that there's a certain security in giving your love away to a trusting person.
when josh and i are near to one another [one week a month] i feel safer. more secure. more confident.
more of who i was created to be...his wife, his companion.
again, he doesn't make me whole or complete but he sure does add something to the mix...
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