Wednesday, June 24, 2009

thoughts of the air

i am currently flying over wyoming. destination: calgary, alberta. my flight was over 3 hours delayed this evening, backing my 914pm arrival time to after 12:15am. needless to say, i'm slightly tired of airports/airplanes for today. all i want right now is to see josh, hug him, kiss him, go home and sleep. providing my plane makes its way safely to the ground, that'll happen soon. i'm looking forward to it.

quiet moments like this are the best moments for my heart and mind to just GO. to think to wander to dream to desire to long to admit to confess. the sentiment of life seems to catch up to me in these moments. i love that there is nothing in front of me to concentrate on. there is no human, no errand, no distraction. i am alone in my thoughts in this late night flight.

in so many ways, i wish much of life were like these. distraction free and careless. having my mind wander is almost healthy, it brings me back to a place of reasonable sanity and contentment.

lately i have had a full body realization of how little my biggest priority is. all in one, it's saddening and encouraging. saddening that i've let things slip but encouraging, knowing that it's not over and done with...there is room to grow and once again, get back to a place where priorities line up.

there is so much for a person to admit to the outside world. there are so many hidden things that we keep to ourselves, in fear of judgement and guilt. however there is such an awakening inside when things like this can come out. in the moments when you're surrounded by community and vulnerability gets the best of you all, there's always a weight lifted off your shoulders.

last night on the phone with josh, we had a good discussion about where we've come from, where we are now and where we want to be. discussing things that have weighed SO heavy on my heart in the past weeks and months were lifted and it's almost like now [in a weird way] i'm allowing myself, giving myself 'permission' to move on from the place i am at and into the place i want to be.

dedication and discipline kicks my ass sometimes. i fail miserably at the things i'd most like to succeed at. oh how backwards things can seem when your sight is blurry.

in six and a half weeks, i'll be a wife. [it'll probably kick my ass at times too]. the next six and a half weeks is such a great opportunity for me to continue to allow myself to be shaped into a woman with a softer spirit, a kinder heart, a stronger servant and a more passionate Believer.

i would love for the Lord to grant us [josh and i] a wider view of the things he longs to do in our lives. i hope my perspective remains solid though, acknowledging that while God knows, he's not obligated to reveal immediately. josh and i are being led down a path with a lot of unknown factors. though we would love to know what'll happen and how we'll get there, we're doing our best to embrace the journey. because as we all know, it's the journey that makes us strong and helps us learn and grow.

there is a song that i first heard a few years ago. it was on a friends [ashley ekers!] xanga site and i was instantly drawn to it. googled the lyrics and found a free download. it's one of those songs that comes and goes with different seasons. the core message of the song is quite clear...God is for us, not against us. how easy it is for us to forget this TRUTH.

whatever i face in life, it's such a sweet and gentle piece of truth to know that Jesus is for me. Jesus is for josh. Jesus is for josh and i together. if i truly believe in the Jesus of the Bible, then i must believe all things are under his watch and rule and dominion, my life no exception. there is something in that, that causes great fear but also great freedom.

right now i'm just trying to train my heart to remind my head that i'm being looked after.

i now have a canadian customs card to fill out.
this means i'm one mile closer to josh.
i'll [obviously] post later.


ps - this is home in less than 2 months.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

success in a new way!

a couple of weekends ago, my sister and i went garage sale-ing[?] for fun. the only thing we came away with was a red kitchen aid silicon loaf pan for $.75. not bad a bad price considering retail value is $15. i hadn't got the chance to use it until tonight. i can now say that i have successfully made homemade bread in the pan. and i'm so excited about it!!

a good chunk of yesterday was spent compiling recipes for a homemade recipe book. i really enjoyed myself! there are SO many different recipes out there and i cannot wait to get started making them. i kept getting so excited whenever i'd see a good recipe because i knew i'd be making it for my husband in our own little apartment in calgary in just over a month and a half. it's no suprise that most men appreciate really good food. i hope i don't fail josh in that area. ha (:

i'm so sure that many women who read this will think 'oh cute naive engaged girl...thinking that cooking for her husband and family will always be great' i'm not unaware that the glory of it all will eventually fade into a routine but i'm pretty okay with that. i'm pretty okay with a routine that allows me serve my husband and children in such a creative way [cooking].

anyone out there have any good [HEALTHY] recipes? i should admit that i'm SUCH a sucker for weight watcher recipes. so many weight watcher recipes that i've made/ate are so good and so healthy. it's such a good way to eat good without sacrificing flavor. mmm mmm. watch out....without a job in canada maybe i'll become a cooking/baking freak and start a FOOD BLOG. ohhh man. that'd be awesome. i'll keep you updated.

i'm currently packing for my next trip to calgary. i fly there on tuesday afternoon. i can't wait. such a sense of security when i'm around this man:

we have a whole list of things to get done while i'm there. some fun, some official business like stuff related to immigration. hopefully getting a good chunk of stuff done and out of the way. i'll be going with all the groomsmen to get measured for a tux. so much fun. oh! also, furniture shopping! i'm really looking forward to that. so weird i'll be living in CANADA. life never ceases to take me on a ride. thankfully, starting august 7, i won't be riding alone...i'll have the most handsome and capable man next to me.

[ps - josh got SO excited when he found out that there was a theme park on our honeymoon route. it was cute. i'm excited to go with will be had with my HUSBAND]

our wedding day is now is 47 days away [thank you]
my dress is getting altered...pick it up on july 7.
fingers crossed everything turns out well (:

currently listening to: leona naess

until next time world.