it’s late at night. i should be in bed because i have to get up in the morning and hopefully go download itunes back onto my computer at the internet cafe.
i constantly struggle with this idea of ‘home’.
people always ask me when i’m going home and though most of the time to appease them and not have them become frightened when i lay out my thoughts to them i tell them i’m going home in February. but i’m not so sure how valid that answer is.
the united states is not my [eternal] home.
uganda is not my [eternal] home.
at the end of the day, i feel like searching out where ‘home’ is a pointless pursuit for me.
no where on this wide earth is.
i know that i’ll never find an answer on this earth.
my eyes need to look up.
it may always be this way.
i am becoming more and more okay with it.
i’m listening to rosie Thomas. i have been for the past weeks. her words seem to have the sentiment that i seem to lack in words these days. i could say a lot of things in this blog but i’ll keep it quite short. i’ll let these words speak.
“i have much farther to go.
everything is new and so unpredictable
and i should just kick my heels together and go home
but i’m not sure where that is anymore.”
i fly back to kansas the second week of February and i am excited but i have a feeling that even in the midst of loving the time spent with my family and friends, i will feel strangely out of place. i always will. for this reason:
“for our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.” philippians 3.20
i wrote that blog one week ago but for some reason, i never got it up on the internets [small tribute to prez bush and his classic lines] until now. since it’s been a week, i feel like it could be time to update again.
a whole heck of a lot has happened in the past week for me and it would be near impossible to get it all out and so i’m not even going to beat around the bush…not even going to try and make a long story, short.
last Thursday, josh and i went to kampala. what was originally a trip to treat his sore throat, turned out to be a much more important trip for me because i ended up getting a ct scan on my brain. i’ve been to the doctor four or five times in the past month and for specific reasons, he thought it necessary to check out what was happening in my brain. thankfully, the results were okay. he said that a few things could be suspicious but he and another doctor concluded that those things were because i still have a ‘young brain’ [yes, go ahead, make your jokes here].
he is still concerned about some of the results of my latest blood work and so i have another appointment on the 20th of November. i’ve never been to the doctor this much in my lifetime, especially for something as serious as my brain. it’s been a lot to take in. the chances of it being something supremely serious is very small but having a doctor order a ct scan is kind of a big deal. some days are good and i find myself really okay with it all…knowing that it’s out of my hands and that the plans of the Lord are better than what i can imagine. other days are a little harder and the reality of what is/could be going on sets in and i have to take it slow.
i’ve been processing so much lately and though it’s not always a walk in the park, i feel myself growing because of it. even if the situation causing it is not ideal, i am always thankful for growth. if you are the praying kind, i would kindly ask that you would keep me and my ‘young brain’ in your prayers over the next week or so. i have confidence that whatever may come my way will be coming for a reason.
Suubi is wonderful. things are really picking up for us all. stateside, they are busy as heck with our new Spread Campaign [suubiafrica.org] and getting things in line and here in uganda, we are crazy busy buying and shipping necklaces. we’ve double in size in the past month. we’ve jumped from 62 members to 124 members. not only has our Sunday meeting been split into two different times to make it not so chaotic in our little room, but we’ve added Saturday as an additional buying day for our new members. we continue to buy more and more necklaces from the women and though there have been a few [unavoidable] bumps, they are still incredibly thankful for everyone in States who are supporting them. every week they say thank you to those who are searching for ‘market’ for their necklaces.
seeing these womens thankful faces on Sundays, seeing them randomly throughout the week and hearing their laugh truly make my days better. though days can by crazy and stressful, i never once doubt what i’m doing here. the hard work, the stress, the endless trips to the bank, the sometimes idiotic drivers in uganda, the inappropriate men…it’s all worth it when i’m gathered in that little room in Danita with dozens of Ugandan women.
when i take a break from buying and look up from my spot on the floor and catch the eye of quiet and gentle little Ruth and we smile at each, i can’t help but to acknowledge the beauty and joy in all of it. every day that i live here in uganda is nothing but a blessing to my life and heart. i pray that my last months here are nothing but an overflow of the love in my heart. i seek only that which the Lord desires. the only things that i want to obtain are those that the Lord has placed before me. i hope and pray that my eyes would continue to look forward and not back because i know that out there, on the horizon, lays a wonderful and stunning life.
it’s my prayer that today we would all choose to live for something greater than ourselves. it’s the best way to live. blessings to you.