Thursday, November 13, 2008

the world is ours.

it’s late at night. i should be in bed because i have to get up in the morning and hopefully go download itunes back onto my computer at the internet cafe.

i constantly struggle with this idea of ‘home’.

people always ask me when i’m going home and though most of the time to appease them and not have them become frightened when i lay out my thoughts to them i tell them i’m going home in February. but i’m not so sure how valid that answer is.

the united states is not my [eternal] home.
uganda is not my [eternal] home.
at the end of the day, i feel like searching out where ‘home’ is a pointless pursuit for me.
no where on this wide earth is.
i know that i’ll never find an answer on this earth.
my eyes need to look up.

it may always be this way.
i am becoming more and more okay with it.

i’m listening to rosie Thomas. i have been for the past weeks. her words seem to have the sentiment that i seem to lack in words these days. i could say a lot of things in this blog but i’ll keep it quite short. i’ll let these words speak.

“i have much farther to go.
everything is new and so unpredictable
and i should just kick my heels together and go home
but i’m not sure where that is anymore.”

i fly back to kansas the second week of February and i am excited but i have a feeling that even in the midst of loving the time spent with my family and friends, i will feel strangely out of place. i always will. for this reason:

“for our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.” philippians 3.20

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i wrote that blog one week ago but for some reason, i never got it up on the internets [small tribute to prez bush and his classic lines] until now. since it’s been a week, i feel like it could be time to update again.

a whole heck of a lot has happened in the past week for me and it would be near impossible to get it all out and so i’m not even going to beat around the bush…not even going to try and make a long story, short.

last Thursday, josh and i went to kampala. what was originally a trip to treat his sore throat, turned out to be a much more important trip for me because i ended up getting a ct scan on my brain. i’ve been to the doctor four or five times in the past month and for specific reasons, he thought it necessary to check out what was happening in my brain. thankfully, the results were okay. he said that a few things could be suspicious but he and another doctor concluded that those things were because i still have a ‘young brain’ [yes, go ahead, make your jokes here].

he is still concerned about some of the results of my latest blood work and so i have another appointment on the 20th of November. i’ve never been to the doctor this much in my lifetime, especially for something as serious as my brain. it’s been a lot to take in. the chances of it being something supremely serious is very small but having a doctor order a ct scan is kind of a big deal. some days are good and i find myself really okay with it all…knowing that it’s out of my hands and that the plans of the Lord are better than what i can imagine. other days are a little harder and the reality of what is/could be going on sets in and i have to take it slow.

i’ve been processing so much lately and though it’s not always a walk in the park, i feel myself growing because of it. even if the situation causing it is not ideal, i am always thankful for growth. if you are the praying kind, i would kindly ask that you would keep me and my ‘young brain’ in your prayers over the next week or so. i have confidence that whatever may come my way will be coming for a reason.

moving on.

Suubi is wonderful. things are really picking up for us all. stateside, they are busy as heck with our new Spread Campaign [suubiafrica.org] and getting things in line and here in uganda, we are crazy busy buying and shipping necklaces. we’ve double in size in the past month. we’ve jumped from 62 members to 124 members. not only has our Sunday meeting been split into two different times to make it not so chaotic in our little room, but we’ve added Saturday as an additional buying day for our new members. we continue to buy more and more necklaces from the women and though there have been a few [unavoidable] bumps, they are still incredibly thankful for everyone in States who are supporting them. every week they say thank you to those who are searching for ‘market’ for their necklaces.

seeing these womens thankful faces on Sundays, seeing them randomly throughout the week and hearing their laugh truly make my days better. though days can by crazy and stressful, i never once doubt what i’m doing here. the hard work, the stress, the endless trips to the bank, the sometimes idiotic drivers in uganda, the inappropriate men…it’s all worth it when i’m gathered in that little room in Danita with dozens of Ugandan women.

when i take a break from buying and look up from my spot on the floor and catch the eye of quiet and gentle little Ruth and we smile at each, i can’t help but to acknowledge the beauty and joy in all of it. every day that i live here in uganda is nothing but a blessing to my life and heart. i pray that my last months here are nothing but an overflow of the love in my heart. i seek only that which the Lord desires. the only things that i want to obtain are those that the Lord has placed before me. i hope and pray that my eyes would continue to look forward and not back because i know that out there, on the horizon, lays a wonderful and stunning life.

it’s my prayer that today we would all choose to live for something greater than ourselves. it’s the best way to live. blessings to you.

5 comments:

PS Dosa said...

Julie,

Can I say its so good to hear from you. I pray that you are not only in complete health (brain and such), but are fully at peace in the Lord in all things.

I am encouraged by your continuing work for the people of Uganda. Continue to seek out the Lord Jesus! I am going to forward some of the information about the beads to friends who are running an organization to sell this type of thing.

Enjoy Jesus, Kid.

Auntie Amanda said...

Hey Julie! I pray that you are well...and that any further tests just show you have a healthy "young brain" :) I'm so excited to hear about all that is happening with Suubi, and can't wait to get involved if possible. Did you get my email this week? I love you and am so so blessed to know people like you and Josh and Ian and Melissa.
Be well.
Love.

Bethany said...

Hey Love,
Bethany [h] here...

I will definitely keep you and your young brain in prayer. :)

When people ask you when you're going home, you could either answer (a) "I already am" or (b) "Whenever the Lord takes me!" ;-) I can definitely relate to the feeling of not having a home on this earth-I have felt this way many times before, and will many more times I'm sure.

I would like to see some of those necklaces you have mentioned. I have had thoughts of starting a business where I travel round the world purchasing handcrafts made by locals-especially women-and sell them in the States. I would also like to set up vocational training centers to teach young women a vocation so they can support themselves and their families, and lift themselves out of poverty.

The main reason I wanted to mosey on over here was to tell you something. I have, for about a year and a half (since ATF in spring of 07) been sponsoring a little girl from Peru through Compassion International. Lately the Lord's been challenging me to step up my faith in His provision, and I chose to add a second sponsored child. I wanted an older child who'd been waiting a while for a sponsor, so I did a search-and found Allen, a beautiful young woman from Uganda. She was the only girl who popped up in my search, so of course I had to pick her. :) From what I could tell, she has been waiting since at least Dec. 1st for a sponsor...I wish I could see her face when they tell her she's been sponsored.

I also wish I could see your face soon, but that is another matter entirely. :) I love you and pray your next few months before heading back to the States are wonderful, challenging and fulfilling, but that most of all you find your fulfillment in Him.
<3 love.
ps visit my page missionarygrrl.blogspot.com!

RachelStroud said...

Wow Jules, I resonate with all you are saying and am so envious of all you are experiencing there. Your words are piercing (in a good way) because it brings me back to when I was there and makes me long for the non-American culture and perspective. I love your rawness in your blogs, you are definitely an encouragement and a beautiful writer. You've said twice now that the earth is not your home, but heaven is where your citizenship lies. This has been resonating with me for months upon months now. Thought you should know your blog inspired a tattoo that I'm getting in about a month or so. It will have africa and then underneath it will say, "Heaven is our home, so the earth is ours to roam." Or maybe I'll substitute "so" with an elipsis, not sure. But anyways, love you, love your heart and your words that overflow from it!!!!

D. Hansow said...

Your inspiring us to do what we do, which of course is what you do....so, thanks! take care of my wifeey!!