Sunday, August 31, 2008

the many thoughts in a mind.

as i sat this afternoon watching invisible children with josh [who had never seen it before] everything i first felt for this country of uganda came flooding back. it was an incredible feeling in my heart to think about the great work God has done in my life since that saturday evening in October of 2005 when i first watched invisible children.

after living in Uganda for [collectively] almost a year, i seemed to see the film in a different way. everything seemed to make more sense. the language. the mannerisms. the streets. the people. the culture. by no means do i completely understand the Ugandan culture now but i am leaps and bounds from where i was at in 2005.

i’ve been thinking a lot about what my future is going to look like but lately, especially lately, i’ve been able to come up with nothing. every single day is different from the next and every single day my heart and mind seem to say or want or desire or think something than what i had previously though. i have no idea where i’ll be in five years or what i’ll be doing. i’m not necessarily worried about it but i really see clearly how the decisions and choices that i make now will directly influence my life down the road.

sometimes i think about the reasons for me going back to the states. i know that in February i’ll go back and see my friends and family but after those weeks of adjusting and spending time with them and loving them and enjoying their company, i know my heart will be right back to where i’m at now…so completely in love with THIS place and so completely enthralled by THESE people. my heart is with these people that have dark skin and bright smiles. i know it’s only been a year but i honestly can’t imagine my life anywhere but here.

sometimes when i think about it all, it just doesn’t make sense for me to NOT be living here. i really feel the need to ask God why he would want me to STAY in America and not stay in Africa. sometimes people can get so caught up in staying where they’re from [maybe perhaps where they are most comfortable?] but if we are children of God, then our home is heaven and the earth is ours to roam.

tonight after watching invisible children, josh, john and i went across the street to the primary school to play frisbee. the school is on break right now and so apart from 5 or 6 kids, it was empty. as soon as we brought out the frisbee, the kids immediately started to play around with us. at first it was us tossing it around to each other and them running around trying to catch it and after a while, they started throwing it around themselves. i looked over and john had placed his hoodie on a little girl who was standing by herself on the steps of a building. it was cloudy and raining and she looked absolutely freezing. after a couple more throws, i decided to quit frisbee and go sit with her.

i sat down on the steps and set her in my lap and wrapped my arms around her in hopes of warming her up a little bit. i found out her name was Deborah. she was the shyest little girl but as most do, she had the most adorable smile. whenever i talked to her, i tried my best to do so in luganda and every time i did, she got this awestruck look on her face and then a cute little smile. it was as if she was surprised this white girl who was holding her knew her language and was trying to talk to her (:

as i held her in my arms, with the thoughts that went along with watching invisible children going through my head, i felt the Lord was with me. though confusion and a lot of ‘unknown’ is with me these days in regards to my life, i felt like holding deborah in my arms was a small [big?] reassurance and comfort that it all doesn’t matter.

it’s today that matters because tomorrow isn’t promised.

yesterday is the past
tomorrow is the future
and today is the present.
yes, it’s just that. it’s the present…it’s a gift.

this beautiful, cool, rainy afternoon was a gift to my heart from God.
i hope God gives you a gift like this soon.
be blessed friends.


Kirstin said...

dear julie
i have a feeling that we are going to be good friends. just reading this got me so excited, and i just watched the invisible children dvd for the first time about a month ago. my friend jamers and his gf sara are working as rodies for them right now.
today my pastor showed this dvd with bono and bill hybels (hah so random) but the whole time bono was talking about how jesus is with the people playing house in cardboard boxes and with the people left in the debris of war and wasted opertunity, and it was so hit by that becuase those are the suubi women, and thats where jesus is. thats where you want to be and where i want to be and im sure you feel the same when i say im content with not having a plan as long as that is the basis, being where Jesus is.
i love you!
cant wait to see you.

Margie said...

Take good care of our Kirstin! We love her, and you will love her more than you can probably imagine!!

God bless you!

auntie katie said...

love you, dear woman of God.
my heart is there with you every minute.

love and african for me :)

RachelStroud said...

Dang girl, you're giving me goose bumps and making me cry. Loving your thoughts, I loved your line "if heaven is our home, then the earth is ours to roam!" Love it! Miss you!

Caitlin said...

Friend, I am so very proud of you! Keep seeking jesus!