it's here.

in less than 48 hours, i will be on a plane headed for london. i think i’ve realized more than ever that our human brains can’t accurately wrap our minds around the concept of time. it’s something that is completely out of our control and something that our lives, in one way or another, depends on. each day that passes, i come one step closer to leaving and for once in my life, i’m liking that. but at the same time, with each day that passes, i come one step closer from leaving the place that has taught me so much. all of this is such a strange situation for me. i wouldn’t exactly name it as ‘bittersweet’ but maybe a version of that way.

everything that i’ve learned over the past ten months has been learned here. here in this country. here in this town. here in this house. here in this village. here in this heart. and as i leave, the only thing that i can physically take with me is my heart. and i suppose if anything, i am very thankful for that because i know that my heart can hold all of those things until i return. this country, this city, this house, these people…all of them can dwell with me in my heart. i’m [stubbornly] learning to not only accept this but enjoy it.

the past few days have been filled with ‘last times’ and ‘good-byes’ and somehow i have remained composed throughout all of it. i always imagined these days as some of the hardest in my life but i’m seeing now that the hardest days of my time here are past. i have experienced them, i have lived them and now i am different because of them. i am leaving here on a good note. it’s a note that sings out of peace and joy and thankfulness and calmness. God has showed up on many occasions to provide peace in crazy situations but i don’t think any situation can top this one. i am at peace with so many things right now. i’m finally at a healthy spot (:

as this season is coming to an end real quick,

there are a few things i want to say..

i have talked so much about light gives heat and all that i do with them but i want to take the time to write about things that aren’t often talked about. more specifically, the people behind it. dave, morgan and rachel. they are some of the most humble and hardworking people i’ve come across. without these three people [plus a slew of volunteers in the US] running things in the States, the work here in Uganda would be impossible. all of them have experienced life in Uganda, all of them have seen a need and now they are offering their time and heart to all that light gives heat is about. even in the crazy times, they believe in what we’re doing and they work hard to keep things. i am incredibly grateful for all they’ve done for me. for offering me this position and continually being there for me in so many ways. i want to thank them for their understanding and support in my decision to go back to the States again. and so, to the three of you, dave, morgan and rachel, i want you to know how thankful i am. you are all wonderful people and i’ve been more than blessed to work with you all.

to joe and Melissa, you’ll do great here. i want to thank you for your willingness and flexibility in all of this. both of your hearts are eager to be here and to love and to serve and the people you’re around will be blessed because of you. i know i won’t be here for your wedding but know that i am behind you two all the way. i am excited for your lives together.

and to josh, my best friend who probably will never read this, it’s a simple message to you. thank you for your constant support of everything i do. i couldn’t have lasted as long as i did here without you beside me.

so here we are…after many months and many words, this is my last blog in uganda. i’ll continue writing when i return to the States. your prayers over the next few days for safe travels and continued peace and joy would be so wonderful to me. i’ll write as soon as i can.

good season.

scovia

To the women of Suubi,

I know that this day where I say good-bye to you has come sooner than we all thought it would but even so, I want to make the best of this hard day. I am better at writing my thoughts down than I at speaking and so I have decided to give you my “thank you” in a letter.

I need you ladies to know how thankful I am to have spent the past nine months with you. You have brought so much joy and fun to my life and heart. In the many months that I have been away from America and my own family, you have become like an extended family to me. The time spent with you in your homes has taught me so much about hospitality and kindness. The way that you all face problems with a smile on your face and hope in your heart is something that I admire of you. You have shown me what true beauty looks like.

Over the past nine months, you have taught me, with words and without words, so much about so many different subjects. What I’ve learned from you will travel with me to America next week. I have been here in Uganda working hard beside you over the past months and although it’s sad to say good-bye, please don’t forget that though you may not see my face every week, I will still be working for you.

ronald, mollys boy

If I have learned anything over the past months, it is that you all work hard and deserve so much. When I am in America, I will do my best to tell everyone I know about you. I’ll share your stories with people and I will tell them about your wonderful personalities. Your necklaces are beautiful and I will sell as many as possible to those around me.

You are being left with good people. Joe and Melissa love you all very much and they will take very good care of you. Be nice to them and continue to show them how great you are. I am sad to leave you but it is good for all of us to know that you won’t be left alone. Continue loving one another and taking care of one another. I pray you all live in peace with one another. Never forget that we are all working towards the same goal of peace and love and life.

So for now, I say good-bye. I love you all deeply and you will forever be in my heart. I am a different person because of you. Don’t forget how far God has brought us all.

I love you and we will be in touch soon.

Julie

julie, my "namesake"

well, ladies and gentlemen, there has been a big change of plans in my time here. when i arrived here in February, i could never have foreseen this happening but i have changed my ticket to go back to the States. instead of leaving on February 11th, i am now leaving just three short weeks from today on December 28th. there are too many reasons for me to list as to why this decision was made but i know [even in the hard times and crying and second guessing] it’s the right decision.

i have learned more than i could have ever imagined about humility and doing things in a more dependent way…in a way that puts the pressure off of myself and onto completely dependence on the Lord.

being here in uganda for ten months has done an explainable number on me. there have been changes that are good and i will be forever thankful for the trials and fears i have gone through and overcome. but there have also been things that have been wearing on me more than i thought. i love this country and the people, in the deep parts of my heart, i do, but as i [reluctantly] told the Suubi ladies yesterday afternoon, i need a break. honestly, i don’t know what that means and what that will look like in terms of coming back here, but i know that a break is needed.

as i sat on my bedroom floor on Thursday morning with morgan, i was able to work out a lot of my thoughts and be reassured that i am not alone in all that i’ve feeling. people have been in my position before and i think it’s easy for me to be tricked into thinking that i’m completely alone. it’s a lie and i know that i can’t believe it because if i continue to do so, all that will happen is that i’ll gain a growing sense of i’m a failure and i’m weak. it’s easy to let the small voice of the Evil One tell me that everyone else is doing it and if i can’t do it, then i’m not good enough. in those moments, i am so thankful for my mom, my josh and my friends, who are quick to remind me that, that’s not the case.

living here in Africa for 10 months has opened my eyes to so many things. one of them being that ignorance is not bliss. living here i have been able to feel more of the weight of this place and in a strange way, i am thankful for that. i would rather have my heart exposed to hard things that cause a girl to think rather than just turn my head away. being here, living here, has forced me to not be able to turn my head. i have had to face, head on, the reality of this place and at times it has been overwhelming hard.

as i leave this place and go back to kansas to rest and get my head on straight, i will be doing my best to keep my heart bowed down and my head held high. i need to walk out of here with my head held high, knowing that God is proud of me and doesn’t view me any differently because i’m needing to return to rest and recoup but i need to keep my heart in a humble position. though i’m leaving, the learning and need for humility will not change. i need to process everything my eyes have seen and everything my heart has been pressed with.

i ask for your prayers in the upcoming 3 weeks. though i know it’s the right decision, it’s already been proven to be a hard decision. but the right things aren’t always easy and fun. i am needing a whole bunch of grace and reassurance from the Lord. if i have learned anything over the past months it’s that being the ‘strong person’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be but i do ask that God would give me some strength in my good-byes to the Suubi women. i want to enjoy my last weeks here with the other volunteers as well as josh.

“the love of Christ is rich and free…
no earth or hell can it remove.
as long he lives, his own he’ll love.”

smiles first.

last night, on the matatu ride home from kampala, it was dark and
i saw a mans smile before i saw his body or face.

i love that.



i hope and pray that the people of this country
see and understand their beauty.

though there are some tribal conflicts here in uganda, there’s still a very strong bond of community. i see it in the way that neighbors care for one anothers children. it’s evident in the way that if a friend is sick, they pick up the slack. there’s proof in the way they sit together, talk together, laugh together, mourn together. i feel as though they have a much firmer grip on what it means to be in community with one another than many of us in the West do.

as i was reading this morning, i came across this verse that really caught my attention. as soon as i read it, two things came to mind. one was a conviction that i need to be serving and caring for others more than i do now and the other was the thought that many people in uganda have got this down. i feel as though many of them understand more about sacrifice and surrender than i may ever know.

“we know love by this; that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”

1 John 3.16

just before this verse in 1 john, there is this verse…

“the Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil.”

1 john 3:8

maybe it’s a stretch but here..

if we are Believers and the truth lives in us, then the Son of God resides in us also. and if that’s the case then that means that [to an extent] we bear the weight and responsibility to destroy the works of the devil. if we are to be holy like He is holy, then i can’t help but believe that we were placed here to bring truth and shed light in the dark places…to edge out the evil in circumstances.

what a pleasure it is for me to be around the Suubi women because if nothing else, i can gain an infinite amount of knowledge about destroying the works of the devil from them. the works of the devil definitely include famine, drought, disease, lack of education and depression…all things that are common here in uganda [and the rest of the developing world].

the women of suubi are taking a resounding stand against the devil by working hard on their necklaces on behalf of their families and the futures of their children. through this job, they have an income. because of their income and hard work, they are able to fight against the evil that the Evil One has so slyly put around them. they are able to provide food and shelter for their families and school fees for their children. the have hope that change can come to their lives. i see it in their faces whenever we buy from them.

[buying from irene - a new suubi lady]

hoping that all of this makes sense, i thank you for reading. i pray that you’re able to find your ‘suubi women’…that you’d find an inspiration for selflessness and hope. may your days be filled with the same kind of hope that these women are filled with.

i want your voice.

“poverty is so hard to see when it’s only on your tv or

twenty miles across town where we’re living so good.”


when we walk out our front door in america, we may see a car and green grass and smooth roads and smell fresh air but lets not forget that not everyone in the world is so fortunate. it’s a hard reality to face but in America, even with our messed up economy, we really do hold the potential to do so many good things in the world

being in the presence of one of the women in Suubi is always an adventure. their senses of humor…their facial expressions…their odd phrases…their gratitude…their gentleness…their perseverance…their example…it’s all priceless. over and over again, i’m humbled by their hospitality and kindness. hearing stories about their past, their families, their struggles, their hopes and their desires is such an encouragement to me. it’s my hope and honest prayer that when i am back in America, they will stay with me. not for the sake of having memories to keep in my head and heart but so that God may use the stories of these women to challenge and encourage the hearts around me. these women work harder than you could ever imagine for Suubi and their families and every necklaces sold in America really does make a difference in their lives. it’s a joy and blessing to be here with them in uganda.


“more than just your cash and coin,

i want your time, i want your voice.”

‘how come i can’t tell the free world from a living hell?”
-ray laMontague

[a Sunday afternoon Suubi meeting in danita]

let us not become so distracted by the things that get us down.

may the ladies of Suubi be an example to us all…
seeking truth, desiring peace and claiming hope.


there is more to come.